Three fathers from different walks of life talk to Simonne Pace about the difficulties and joys of fatherhood. Although Father’s Day comes only once a year, they all agree that having children is a commitment with each passing day and for life.
Trevor Naudi, 36, married to Karen since 2008, father of Luca, 6, and Emma, 3. Both Trevor and Karen work in tourism and met in 2005. The couple has just moved from an apartment in Swatar to a house in Żebbuġ.
Both Karen and I have full-time jobs, so I do my best to help out at home. I pick up the children from school three to four times a week. Karen and I get home at around 6pm. I help the children with homeworks and play with them a little. Karen starts cooking while I take them up for a bath. We then have dinner together. Karen then plays with the children until I clear the table and wash the dishes.
Weekends are fun since we try to spend as much time as possible together. I take Luca to football every Saturday, after which we meet up with Karen and Emma for some fun. This could mean going to a park, meeting friends or simply going to the supermarket to shop together. I often organise games for the children in our yard and it’s really nice to see them laugh and play together. I also encourage reading time even though television is a strong competitor.
Having children is a wonderful experience! Watching them grow into lively, intelligent individuals gives me so much satisfaction. The only pity is that I don’t seem to ever have enough time to enjoy them to the full.
It’s fantastic to have a day dedicated to us fathers and it’s such a beautiful feeling to be given the little gifts made at school for Father’s Day as an expression of their love. However, children don’t need Father’s Day to show their emotions. I see it every day – when Emma comes running to hug me after nursery, when Luca gives me a high five, when we joke together and when they kiss me goodnight.
I don’t think there is one correct way of being a father, no manuals to show you how to be a father… just love your children exactly the way they are. When I look at their faces, I see two bright and happy individuals who get along well together, have totally different characters but are both special in their own way.
Children crave spending time with their parents
I have come to realise that I want my children to be happy, so I just let them enjoy what they like doing. Of course, I do encourage certain behaviour and try to work on some skills. A good father is one who loves and guides his children while respecting their individuality.
My father has been an example throughout my life. Children just crave spending time with their parents, so spending 10 quality minutes with your children when you’re back home – either playing with toys or simply creating improvised new games – builds a strong bond. I love to become a child and act like one. When I’m with my children I make the most of the time we have.
Society has different family structures but a parent is always important. In a family with a mother, father and children, both roles are important in the same way. If a family has a busy lifestyle, everyone involved must lend a hand – division of labour! Teamwork is the operative word, whether it’s a family with one working parent or both – both parents need to make sure that the children feel loved and are shown important values that will help them develop into strong individuals.
Our family always takes advantage of special occasions like Father’s Day to get together. Although excessively commercialised, there is nothing wrong in making the most of days like this, turning them into a special family affair while sticking to the real meaning. There is no need to buy expensive gifts. We will be meeting up at my brother’s house for a barbecue and some good wine.
Society is changing and this is inevitable. All a parent can do is give his children the right values. Family breakups are never easy and children hurt when they see their family disintegrate. We would all love to be part of the ‘Cunningham family’, a Happy Days type of family, where mother and father love each other and children are the fruit of their love. Even though we are ‘normalising’ dysfunctional families by means of new laws, I’m sure children will never see this as something positive. A child can never be protected from this in any way, so parents must keep this in mind when they are contemplating a split.
I wish for my children to be happy. I just want them to grow into responsible and respectful individuals who can speak their mind and judge right from wrong. Of course, there is no magical formula.
If they learn at their own pace, by making mistakes, they will surely make it. The most important thing is to accept their capabilities and limitations, be there when they need it and give them love and support every day.
Anthony Debono, 47, married in 2001 to Jane and widowed in 2012, has two sons, Cesco, 13, and Gianni, 10. He co-owns and manages a small niche wine business and is also a key official with a gaming company.
I’m a night person. I get out of bed at 6am but wake up at around 9. The alarm goes off at 6am, I sleep walk around the house, pretending to my boys that I’m in total control. What I actually do is make sure that Gianni has the proper uniform on and is assertively monitoring that his elder brother is keeping the pace, so they won’t miss the 6.30am school van. It’s a wise move that I prepare the school lunches in the evening.
I have an army of aides: my late wife’s sisters, Mary, Rita and Helen, and my aunt and uncles, Esther, John and Anthony. They work around a shift from Monday to Friday (2 to 6pm).
I arrive home at 6pm. Most of the time is spent finishing off homeworks and on mega school projects. We used to watch an hour of television together but this is slowly dying out and replaced with more video games.
Although I am aware that the whole Father’s Day set-up rotates around commerce, I tend to look forward to that extra attention. The differentiation in the son-to-father attitude between Cesco and Gianni is colossal.
Gianni is always referring to me for basically anything but Cesco would rather check it out with Uncle Google! Gianni is looking forward to Father’s Day. I secretly know he’s brewing a couple of surprises, while Cesco is too busy studying for his annual exams. Wink, wink!
Our Father’s Day is a boys’ day out… simple fun. It will probably include a movie at the cinema together with coffee and cake.
As a single father, I know that the responsibility for my sons’ development requires much more than bringing the money home
Am I a good father? Million dollar question. If I had to give a straight-up answer, it would be a no. I wish I had a 24x7 coach who would mark all my father moves with a score. I have no idea which benchmarks are used to self-check the good or dire father status. It’s a roller coaster. One day I feel I’m riding a wave, the next everything goes spaghetti!
I guess teaching the basic moral values is what is most necessary. I’m learning that it’s much easier said than done, especially when children hit their teens.
I find that my natural instincts to various father-son situations are very similar to those I experienced with both my parents. I try to adopt the tactics which gave me most confidence when I was my sons’ age and religiously avoid the ones I believe were too conservative.
You need to be there for your children all the time. I believe both parents are exceptionally important in any child’s development. Typically, the mother is much more hands-on and thus allows the father to slide away to his hushed man-cave, sometimes physically but more often mentally. I should admit that I was remarkably good at this.
As a single father, I know that the responsibility for my sons’ development requires much more than bringing the money home. As they grow older, I naturally adopted from holding the hand to patiently wait for the “don’t call me, I’ll call you”. I wish them a fair and healthy life.
We usually have a three-way debate on how to spend Father’s Day. Is the occasion a big thing? Considering I have to make hay while the sun shines, yes, it actually is a big thing.
My children are accustomed to my open door policy for friends. We have people over all the time. I guess the wine cellar helps! Another ‘mother’ is not on the cards. Whatever happens in the future, I think I will resist this idea.
I talk to my sons about their future all the time. In a small country like Malta, one can ‘burn’ their name surprisingly quickly. I struggle with myself not to be repetitive, as I know from my own experience in my teens that the father figure moved down from the hero pedestal to kill bill number one. He eventually reclaimed the top spot in my mid-20s… so I’m hopeful.
Adrian Friggieri, 38, is married to Suzanne, has one daughter Giuliana, 7, and runs his own estate business. He previously lectured at university level before becoming a father but stopped to have more time on his hands.
I make it a point to give Giuliana the best, even when it comes to time, which can be the most precious part. She is only seven once and she becomes more independent, this time will surely change. I take her to school every day, head to the office and pick her up again as school finishes or after school activities. Driving home, we chat about her day at school and plan what’s on for the rest of the day. I then cook her lunch and play a little or talk about her school work.
Depending on my work appointments, I usually wait until my wife returns home from work so she takes over. Dinner is a daily commitment to be together. We sit at table and eat together every day. I change my schedule to suit my daughter’s diary and I try to show her that I’m always there when she needs me. She spends most of the day with me. She sometimes comes to my office or, if I’m working from home, she is playing around me while I’m on the phone or handling work issues.
She has brought so much joy and happiness
Father’s Day is all about love and respect all the year round, not just on the day. However, the occasion can serve as a reminder of our obligations and our family and to make sure we express our feelings, especially if we might not do this often during the year.
Children are the most beautiful gift and it’s painful to see when they are not given the love and affection they deserve from their parents. It’s sad to see parents abandoning their children and ignoring their needs.
I hope I’m a good father. To be honest, I do my very best to be one. Being a good father is possibly passing on the proper values of life rather than anything else. A good father should try to protect his child from danger, physical or emotional, teach them to love and care for people around us and to respect the world we live in.
My father gave me enough space to learn about life around me and to discover what is good and bad, within limits of course, still showing me the correct path. I love my father to bits and I’m grateful to him. I try to teach Giuliana about these issues without being boring.
A father cannot give a child his 100 per cent. I think girls, especially, need a female role model. But children need the love and attention of both mother and father.
Today, we will have lunch or dinner with my father and father-in-law. Then we will decide what is left as ‘me’ time. I hope to spend a nice day with my wife and daughter. No big fuss on the day – special attention should be given all the year round.
Very often you find broken families with children trying to figure out what is going on. I think in such a situation one has to try to explain as much as possible. As long as the parents look at the interests of the children, one should have the possibility to have a new family if the first has failed. All deserve to be happy.
Giuliana has brought so much joy and happiness to our lives; it’s beyond explanation. I wish her to be healthy and happy, to grow rich inside and have enough wisdom to learn to move ahead in life. I want her to be strong enough yet gentle with the people around her.