Ostensibly here in Malta we have two official languages: Maltese and English; but we all know that that’s not really the case. We actually have three languages or patois, the afore-mentioned two plus… Maltglish.

This is both a hybrid mix of Maltese and English… together with a few other interesting linguistic aberrations. In many parts of our islands Maltglish is the lingua franca of the majority of the indigenous population. And, let me say straight away… I am as guilty of this as anyone.

There are even different ‘dialects’ of Maltglish. For in­stance, Sliemeezi Maltglish differs markedly from… shall we say, Bormla Maltglish or Maltglish Għawċi. And it is not an overnight phenomenon; Maltglish has been around for years, decades, at least to my knowledge.

Let’s check out some of the more glaring examples:

The one that really sets my teeth on edge more than any others is: “The minister was accused of abusing ‘of’ his powers.”

For as long as I can remember that extra incorrect preposition ‘of’ has been used by people who should know better… yes, even in the English language media. What should have been said was: “The minister was accused of abusing his powers.” That would have been English; abusing of… is Maltglish.

Another classic example is perpetrated when someone, say, drops a cup. The inevitable exclamation is: “Ħuq! It broke for me.” Or: “It fell for me.”

Wrong! What that implies is that you asked the cup to break/fall and it obliged.

The same goes for the frequent Maltglish statement after a minor car crash: “It crashed for me.” So you weren’t actually in control of the vehicle? What you are implying is that you requested the car to crash… and again, it did so.

In Maltglish one doesn’t go for a walk or simply walk; you go ‘by’ walk. Hence the vernacular: “Did you come on the bus?” “No, I came by walk.”

‘To go Valletta, you must pass from Floriana.’ What’s wrong with that? Everything

Similarly, in the transport vernacular, I have often heard people giving directions to a stranger with the following expression: “To go Valletta, you must pass from Floriana.” What’s wrong with that? Everything. First of all: you go ‘to’ Valletta; and secondly, you reach Valletta ‘via’ or ‘through’ Floriana.

Another Maltglish bête noir is oft heard in theatrical circles. In our local vernacular someone producing a play or some other kind of stage show is described as “putting ‘up’ a play”

That is so annoying. You put up pictures on a wall, or you put up shelves… you put ‘on’ a play.

Then what about the Maltglish expression heard in restaurants, cafes and often at home. Here we don’t eat two, three or four courses… no, we ‘take’ two, three or four ‘plates’.

And we never go ‘shopping’, oh no, we go to buy. What we go ‘to buy’ may not be specified, we just go… to buy. I think the word shopping just never made it into our native English lexicon.

One Maltglish habit that is so immured in our psyche it’s almost second nature is the habit of adding the words ‘but’ or ‘eh’ as a suffix to a sentence, as with: “Did you take three or four plates, but?” This is a favourite Sliemizi aberration, and the word but usually assumes two – or even three syllables, as with ‘bu – u – u – t’. And: “It’s really, really hot out today, eh.”

I heard a classic Maltglish sentence the other day. A young mother was walking her young daughter to school, while exhorting the child to: “Be sure to listen from your teacher, or she’ll never learn you nothing.” That is so crassly wrong on so many levels it’s hard to know where to begin.

To speak Maltglish is now so second nature to most of us we never give it a second thought. The trouble is… others do.

We recently met an old friend who has lived in the UK for over 40 years. She is 100 per cent Maltese but our linguistic aberrations really get to her. In fact, I had a wonderful time when she was over here deliberately utilising every version of Maltglish that I could dredge from the back of my subconscious.

Mean of me, I know, but she took it in good part and has promised to return next year… but… eh.

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