Crisis? What crisis? Life goes on… we still have a walloping great majority in Parliament; God’s in His heaven, Jo-zeff rules benignly, and all’s right with the world… whatever the other lot and that Bidnija witch says.

And what a farce that vote of no confidence turned out to be… not that we (the government) didn’t know it would be. Pathetic really. Honestly, what an embarrassment for them. But what a glittering triumph for our charismatic and loveable capo… Jo-zeff.

But the question remains, why did they do it, when they must have known it stood as much chance of passing as Marlene’s new party (if it happens) has of ever gaining a seat in Parliament.

Oh yes, you’ve got to admit it, when it comes to wheeling and dealing you’d have to get up very early to put one over on Jo-zeff the great. If the so-called Opposition took my advice, they’d pack their bags and take a long – 12-year – holiday.

That’s how long it’ll be before they have another shot at getting back into power… dream on losers.

Of course, life at the apex of power in the Maltese islands is not all glory; I also have my loyal constituents to consider. I do this by holding regular… or regularish district surgeries in my constituency office in my home village. This way I am able to get close – or as close as I can bear – to the common man and woman, and it gives me great joy to be able to make some of their dreams and aspirations come true.

I can’t think why they expect me to help them out. I mean, they don’t even have a vote!

For instance, just recently I was able, through my close contacts in government, to get a permit for a businessman from my village to build himself a magnificent palazzo in 27 tumoli of ODZ land on the outskirts of the village.

It was touching to see the gratitude in his eyes when I told him it was a done deal.

I didn’t need the hefty sum he then deposited in my personal bank account to underline his appreciation, but of course it would have been rude of me not to accept it.

But every constituent is not so accommodating. Usually my first visitor, whenever I open up my surgery, invariably turns out to be 75-year-old Mrs Grech Miceli, eager to regale me with yet more complaints about the bus service. Obviously all her handwritten moans go straight into the shredder. And no, it’s not because she is poor and can’t afford the bakxeexa… she’s just such a boring old whiner.

I even get the odd foreigner turning up at my clinic with problems. I can’t think why they expect me to help them out. I mean, they don’t even have a vote!

I wouldn’t normally want to give her any importance whatsoever, but just lately, the remnants of the Opposition’s Bidnija mouthpiece has had some serious competition. Yes, from our very own caustic blogger Grosser Glenn – the Castille terrier… actually he’s more a rather well-fed Rottweiler. And of course, the other lot don’t like it.

OK we all wish Glenn had paid a bit more attention at school, so his grammar and syntax might have been a little better, but go for it tubby! Give ’em hell!

In conclusion, and hopefully to put an end to all that tedious Panamagate rubbish tha has been flying around over the past few weeks.

The only thing I want to say about it is this: when the goodies were spread around, why wasn’t I included in the loop?

I am Jo-zeff’s greatest fan and most loyal minion, I should have got a piece of the action, so why was I missed out?

Comments:

Genial Chris writes: Another round please landlord: ‘Drunks’ are on me.

Nat the Nat writes: Backbencher, you are helping to promote and sustain the most inept government in the history of politics in Malta.

Backbencher replies: Go on, you’re only jealous because we thought of it first.

Blue Rinse writes: What do you think, Backbencher, of Alfred Sant’s advice to Kon and Keet to resign?

Backbencher replies: Alfred who?