This is the transcript of the minutes of a special emergency session of the Ħas Siġra local council meeting of February 5, 2016.

Present: Mayor Mr Abram Said Degiorgio, BSc, NGO, HSBC; Deputy mayor Ms Delilah Costa Sangiovese; Councillor Ms Rosanne Pantellaria, secretary; Councillor Ms Alicia Decleppo Parmigianni; Councillor Fr Dione Sagitaria Sant, OJ; Councillor Brigadier Maurice Testaferrata Smith.

Apologies for absence: Mr Elijah Spampinato (Claims to be abroad, but seen by mayor ducking into shop doorway in Valletta this very afternoon). Mr Ronnie Fenech Pinge. (Says he’s sick… but with no medical certificate to back it up). Mr Walter Asciak Manicaro (Couldn’t be bothered to attend).

The mayor opened the proceedings by informing those present that there was only one item on the agenda of today’s special emergency meeting; namely whether the name of the village should be changed. He explained that, for many years the village had been known as Ħas Siġar; but since the construction of several upmarket villas in ODZ on the edge of the village, only one large pine tree remained in the whole of the urban district, prompting a further name change of the village to Ħas Siġra.

However, further construction in, what was our last area of ODZ has deprived the place of its final remaining tree. So it seems strange to keep on calling the village a tree when there isn’t one. So what should the village be renamed?

At this point Councillor Ms Decleppo Parmigianni interjected on a point of order. Whilst concurring with the mayor on the stupidity of continuing to persist with a name that was no longer relevant, she felt it incumbent upon herself, in the absence of an explanation by the mayor, to make it clear just why no more trees grew thereabouts.

A protracted discussion ensued, during which voices were raised and tempers became somewhat inflamed

Whilst being continually interrupted by the mayor, Councillor Decleppo Parmigianni went on to state that the reason for both the trees and the ODZ’s disappearance was because this last remaining stretch of virgin land on the outskirts of the village had been grabbed by none other than the mayor himself, where he had constructed an extremely large villa on the site, which was subsequently occupied by the mayor and his family.

At this, the mayor accused Councillor Decleppo Parmigianni of playing politics, since she and he represented diametrically opposed political parties on the council; And that anyway, he had obtained permission to build his villa from none other than the Minister of Regularising ODZ Land for Development Purposes, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.

A protracted discussion ensued, during which voices were raised and tempers became somewhat inflamed. Order was restored when Councillor Brigadier Testaferrata Smith managed to prise the mayor’s hands from around Councillor Decleppo Parmigianni’s throat, and assisted her to her feet.

A conciliatory note was brought to the proceedings when Councillor Ms Costa Sangiovese suggested that, since she had recently planted a number of pine saplings in her garden, there was really no need to change the name of the village at all, other than to possibly restore it to the plural Ħas Siġar once more.

A further discussion ensued, but this time in an altogether less acrimonious manner. Some councillors queried whether recently planted saplings could indeed be counted as trees, while others felt that Councillor Costa Sangiovese’s suggestion was a fair compromise. The councillor’s proposal was put to the vote; this resulted in those voting against the proposal winning the day by two votes in favour and four against.

This left the actual renaming of the village still to be decided.

Councillor Decleppo Parmigianni’s – not altogether serious – proposal that the village should be renamed Is-Sindku Pulċinell was not voted on, since at this suggestion a further physical altercation between the mayor and Councillor Decleppo Parmigianni resulted in the latter being escorted from the council chamber by Police Sergeant 562 Bonello, who was summoned by council secretary Ms Rosanne Pantellaria.

The final decision of the council was to temporarily rename the village Ir-Raħal ta’ Konkors, since this seemed to sum up the current state of affairs.

There being no other business, the remaining members of the council adjourned to the Golden Chapati Indian Restaurant in the main pjazza for Chicken Vindaloo and chips.