Once upon a time, there was a little boy who was lanky and gawky and because he wore spectacles, and because his eyes tended to pop a bit, he was considered to be the class nerd. He was not teased and taunted much, except when it came to shoes. In his class all the boys had Panama Jack shoes except him.

He begged and begged his parents for a pair of those neutral-coloured, cool hiking shoes with the logo of a man wearing a Panama hat. But his mother would have none of it.

“Absolutely not. At your age, what you need is a pair of sensible shoes! Especially you with those long legs!” she said each time the boy broached the subject.

So he had to make so with his sensible Soldini shoes, which he had to wear even on hikes, even though they totally did not go with his tracksuit. He looked longingly at his friends’ Panama Jacks and vowed that one day he’ll get a pair even if had to go all the way to Panama.

Hikes proved to be a problem on another count. Because of his pale, pink skin and because sunblock had yet to be invented, his mother insisted he wore a cap whenever he stepped out in daylight. This hat was a Kwik-save scheme bargain: a white, stiff baseball cap with a huge green 7-Up written in bold on its front.

Oh, how he longed for a proper stylish hat. He wanted one of those woven hats with a flat crown and a wide brim, with a little, pale ribbon detail and a distinctive shape that kept the sun out and had an intellectual air about them.

He first noticed this kind of hat while leafing through the Encyclopedia Britannica. Whenever his parents had guests, he was allowed ‘to be seen but not heard’ in the sitting room and he developed this habit of lugging out a volume of the encyclopedia because that always earned him praise from guests: “X’tifel bravu, Alla jbierek”.

One day his eyes fell on a photo of the 33rd President of the United States of America: Harry S. Truman. Now this President, in his first months in office, dropped the atomic bomb on Japan, ending World War II. When he read this, the little boy pointed at the text in the book, frowned and said: “Shame on you”, but, deep, deep down he was in awe. The effect of Truman’s hat did not go amiss on the boy.

Soon after that, they happened to show the Maltese Falcon on Xandir Malta and there was Humphrey Bogart wearing the same hat! He learnt that it was called a Panama hat and wanted it even more when he got to know that even Sir Winston Churchill had one. Then he took one closer look at the Churchill photo: the man smoked a cigar when discussing matters of war! The little boy stole a furtive look at his mother… and he vowed that one day, he too, will go to a cigar bar to discuss Important Matters of the State.

In the meantime from his room, a town which was bleak and dull and its only highlight was the prison and the cemetery, he lost himself in his studying. One day, at school the geography teacher told them all about the Panama Canal.

The boy grew up. He waved goodbye to his mother and caught a plane. He bought Panama Jack shoes even though they had long been out of fashion and he hung up his 7-UP cap

This was fascinating. He was particularly interested in how long it took to build it. First the French said they’ll do it in 1881 and it would be ready in a year. It wasn’t. In 1894, they said it would be ready soon, but the company went bankrupt instead.

In 1904, the Americans took over, who also said it would soon be ready. Theyfinished it a decade later. “Hmm,” said the little boy. “When I grow up and I’ll work on a project, I won’t need to stick to deadlines.” He became so obsessed that he even stuck up a map of the Isthmus of Panama on his bedroom wall.

But then some years later, he watched the Tailor of Panama on TVM. In the movie, Pierce Brosnan (wearing a Panama hat!) played the part of Andy Osnard, a spy assigned to Panama. His superior warned him of the corruption in Panama, but Osnard shrugged it off as “an opportunity”.

The plot revolved around the tale that the President of Panama intended to sell the canal to China. “There’s a good idea. This man is really fit for purpose,” said the now not-so-little boy. And from that day on, his Panama map was replaced by that of China.

The boy grew up. He waved goodbye to his mother and caught a plane. He bought Panama Jack shoes, even though they had long been out of fashion and he hung up his 7-UP cap (but he did not throw it away). He got different jobs along the way, always working ever so hard.

One day he met a friend who told him: “Do you have €92? You can invest them in a company in Panama, it’s a good way of taking care of your family.” His eyes grew round and round with excitement. He took off his glasses and blinked twice. Panama! That’s the same place as the Panama Canal! The same place as the Panama hat! Waves of childhood nostalgia hit him sweetly.

He knew he could always save his hard-earned €92 in his BOV account, but what the heck. As another friend had once told him, everyone needed to wake up and smell the coffee at some point in their lives.

He nodded vigorously, scrunched his eyes and grinned delightedly: “Yes! This is really exciting. Let’s go for it!”

krischetcuti@gmail.com
Twitter: @KrisChetcuti

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