If there were an award for coolest manager in the Premier League, then Jose Mourinho would undoubtedly have several extra trophies on his mantelpiece.

Love him or loathe him, you have to admit the man oozes charm, even on those occasions when he is talking nonsense. Which is much of the time.

But Mourinho has gone and we need someone to keep the crown warm while the special one works out how to programme the Old Trafford coordinates into his GPS. And for me there are only two contenders.

However, before we get to the duo vying for the title, let’s rule out some of the others, men who may be able to manage a football team, but who are as hip and trendy as a bucket of lard.

Top of this list must be Arsene Wenger. He may be interesting in a mature French sort of way, but the fact that he rarely raises a smile makes him too dour to be cool. As does the fact that no matter what he wears he ends up looking like a stick insect wrapped in a burrito.

Mauricio Pochettino is a man who knows his football and he will probably go to the very top of the game, quite possibly with Tottenham Hotspur. But whenever I look at him I can’t get this image out of my head of a schoolboy who is only a lost marble away from bursting into tears.

Manuel Pelligrini always reminds me of a retired fisherman who secretly longs to be back out on the high seas; Claudio Ranieri makes me think of a chef promoting his family recipe for pasta sauce and Alan Pardew is the argumentative uncle who could start a fight at a Buddhist convention.

Not much to work with there in terms of coolness, and the vast majority of the other top-flight bosses also seem to have had their charisma glands surgically removed.

But there are two, as I said, who have what it takes to outcool Mourinho.

One of those is Jürgen Klopp, with his boundless energy, infectious passion and surprisingly sharp sense of humour. The German may have had to borrow his hairline from other parts of his body, but that doesn’t stop him prowling the touchline looking windswept and interesting.

If there is one manager you would like to sit next to at a dinner party, it is probably Klopp. A fantastic addition of coolness to the Premier League who is only likely to get smoother as he settles into life in England.

But for me there is only one winner in this particular competition – also a newcomer to the Premier League – and that is Slaven Bilic.

The only manager in the top flight capable of making Mourinho look a little nerdy

You only have to watch one post-match interview with the man to realise he has raw coolness dripping from every overworked pore. Whether it is an evening match in the middle of the week or a Saturday lunchtime kick-off, the West Ham United manager still manages to look like he has only just made it on time after a heavy night on the town.

What looks like designer stubble on Mourinho becomes a beard of morning-after shame on Bilic. Yet the Croatian wears it with pride and a twinkle in his eye.

Even his tie, rarely more than a passing acquaintance to his collar, looks like it was wrapped round his neck by a supermodel as she ushered him out of her bedroom and off to the ground.

The man has done wonders for the Hammers on the pitch this season, and for that he deserves credit. But equally he deserves serious plaudits for being the only manager in the top flight capable of making Mourinho look a little nerdy.

Treat them right

As a football club, Chelsea desperately need to do something about the way they handle their ageing heroes.

First there was Frank Lampard, who was essentially put out to pasture by a club he had served magnificently for 13 years.

Fair enough, he may have been past his best, but he still had something to offer on the pitch, as he proved with his stint at Manchester City. Surely Chelsea could have kept him on for another season or two, playing when needed and letting him bow out of the game with the club he loved.

Even if, as some suggested, it was Lampard who rejected a new deal from Chelsea – which I doubt – the whole situation should have been handled better and with more dignity for the player. It was the very least he deserved.

Now, just a couple of seasons later, we have the John Terry saga brewing. And, if the Lampard situation was poorly managed, this one has been a complete disaster.

The fact that the player himself felt the need to announce that the club aren’t talking to him about a new contract is staggering. The very least they could have done was sit down face-to-face and tell him it was time to part ways.

Even more mind-boggling than the fact they haven’t been open with him is the fact that they think he no longer has anything to offer them on the pitch and the training ground.

Terry didn’t have a great start to the season, it has be said, but now he is back to somewhere near his best and once again marshalling the defence with energy and passion.

This is a player who should not only be offered a sympathy contract for his loyalty to the club, but one who should be offered a contract on the basis that he remains Chelsea’s most effective defender. Not to mention the fact that he is the player most likely to be able to bring the next generation of defenders up to speed.

I can only conclude that somebody at Stamford Bridge is making these decision based on mathematics – looking at age, wage and other statistics without taking into consideration history, ability and effect on morale.

It is a process that needs to change and quickly, before Terry ends up taking his incredible wealth of experience and passing it on to players at a different club.

Legends of the stature of Lampard and Terry deserve better. They deserve to be able to leave on their terms. And they deserve the opportunity to have a proper send-off.

Chelsea’s penny pinchers need to realise some things are more important than money, or it will be a long time before players with the loyalty and dedication of Lampard and Terry are seen at the club again.

Fans protest just the ticket

When Liverpool’s owners announced new ticket prices for next season they had no idea just how vociferous the backlash would be.

More than 10,000 fans walked out of Anfield in the 77th minute of their game against Sunderland last weekend, protesting at the new £77 (€99) top price ticket.

And that caused the club to reverse its decision and bring the price back down to a more reasonable – but still not exactly cheap – £59 (€76).

If nothing else, that proves the extra money that would have been raised by the additional £16 (€21) can easily be found elsewhere. A rather telling point, in my opinion.

With the new television deal coming into effect from next season, it is criminal that any club can even begin to think about raising the price of tickets. If anything, they should be putting prices down to compensate fans who have been forking out far too much for far too long.

So top marks to the Liverpool supporters for standing up to the club and its owners and showing that they will no longer accept being milked. We need more reactions like this one if football is to start regaining its morality.

And top marks to the owners for taking immediate steps to resolve the situation.

I imagine there are one or two clubs who, in a similar position and worried about the prospect of protesting fans leaving during games, might have tried to solve the problem a different way: put the ticket price up to £90…

sportscolumnist@timesofmalta.com
Twitter: @maltablade