Tinkling carols, a roaring fire, the smell of pine trees and all spice: that’s the gift-wrapped Christmas of television land.

But in practice, the festive season is often a barely discernable sprinkling of peace and goodwill with an extra-large helping of biting your tongue while your temper shreds like tinsel. The combination of high expectations, alcohol before lunch, and the hosting of family members you would usually cross the road to avoid, basically sets the day up for disaster.

It is those paused moments that you’ll remember, not how good or otherwise the gravy and trimmings were

The worst thing is that that we all know this. After all, we do Christmas every year. But the 12 months in between fill us with misplaced optimism that this year, it will be easier – we just need to try harder to be nice to the people who annually tip us over the edge. That resolution usually lasts around an hour. So come 11am on Christmas morning, we’re hiding in the laundry cupboard, taking deep, shaky breaths and wondering whether it would be rude to feign a headache and retire to bed.

There’s good news, however. Instead of being doomed to repeat the same Christmas cycle, you can make this the year of cracking Christmas coping strategies. These deceptively simple techniques can make the difference between suffering through the day and actually enjoying it. Give them a try with your turkey this year.

Do a Frozen and let it go

Psychologist Marie Hartwell-Walker writes that it’s important to remember that you can’t change other people – only they can do that and unless they are reading this article too, you probably shouldn’t get your hopes up. You can, however, choose to react differently to other people’s behaviour by deciding not to be offended or even embracing the weird foibles of your nearest and possibly not-so-dearest.

If getting angry with someone every year ruins your Christmas, just decide not to. It’s not as difficult as you might think, especially if you remind yourself that it’s just for one day. For extended visits, you might need a different strategy such as moving house and forgetting to give your family the new address.

Make a change

If you are stuck in that tired rut of gift unwrapping at your house, lunch at the in-laws and dinner at your parents, and it leaves you feeling drained, it’s time to get brave and make a change to this immovable tradition, such as putting off visits until the Boxing Day. People might get a little huffy, but Hartwell-Walker says that you can mitigate by giving everyone plenty of time to get used to the idea. She also recommends stressing the positives of the change rather than getting into an argument. Ultimately, if it works, your family will get a better version of Christmas you.

Be grateful

It can be really hard to rise above the petty irritations of the holiday season. So when you feel like you’re ready to flip, just pause and think of the things that you have to be grateful for. It might be having healthy kids or the affection of a close friend, a great job, a loving spouse and just being alive in a beautiful world.

As a back-up plan if your initial attempt at gratitude fails, take a picture of the good things in your life and put it on your phone, to remind you of what you’ll be missing if you go to jail for murder – remember that you don’t get a reduced sentence just because it’s Christmas.

Pause

Really pause, as many times in the day as you can. Stop throwing the turkey down your neck and actually enjoy it for a few mouthfuls. Admire the lights, experience the smells, take in the colours of the day, taste the wine and savour the flavour, stop videoing and photographing the kids and really watch them open their presents, ignore the burning dinner for a few more seconds to read that book your child just got.

Obviously, at some point, you’ll have to rescue the overdone fowl – but it is those paused moments that you’ll remember, not how good or otherwise the gravy and trimmings were.

Bubble build

If the first tip (letting it go) isn’t working for you, find yourself some make-believe armour and imagine all those barbed comments simply pinging off it while you beam with Chrimbo joy beneath.

You can also visualise yourself inside a bubble. While you’re there, play annoying comment bingo. This involves making a list of all those wildly aggravating things that your guest-from-hell says every year, and tick them off as they trot them out. It will make you smile instead of making you want to dice them into the dinner.

Keep hoping

If, despite the wise words herein, everything goes by the way of Christmas past, just remember that you’ll have another crack at getting it right next December.