And just when you thought things couldn’t get more surreal... they do. As he continues falling over  himself to avoid annoying magnate Charles Polidano (aka iċ-Ċaqnu), prime minister Joseph Muscat  has come up with a novel reason why the law can’t be applied to the infamous Montekristo ‘animal park’.

Even though the park was illegal in the first place, and even though a tiger injured a three-year-old and left him in need of plastic surgery less than a week ago, it cannot be closed down. Not because government is too busy licking the boots of anyone who can throw a euro in its direction – le, ma tarax, to use a colloquialism – and certainly not because the long arm of the law only reaches as far as the plebs, as opposed those who can come in useful. 

No, the real reason why an illegal animal park needs to remain open is... wait for it... because otherwise the animals will have to be killed.

Well, slow clap for Dr Muscat, who has shown himself equal to Vanni Pule when it comes to misdirection. Or so he thinks. You can almost see the cogs in his brain turning slowly: let’s mention the animals, get the animal rights activists on board and Ċaqnu’s your uncle. 

Does he really think we are so stupid as to fall for that? No, Dr Muscat, there are ample other options open to the government and none of them involves killing the animals. In such cases, the obvious course of action is to ship them to a nature reserve, of which there are ample across the world. Of course, it comes at a cost – but I’m sure Mr Polidano is good for it. 

Pretending to do a St Francis of Assisi and going all soft-hearted for the tiger cubs simply looks desperate

So please, keep your political rhetoric away from us. This is not the first time you are treating your electorate as morons, and it’s getting tiring. We can see exactly what you are trying to do. 

Pretending to do a St Francis of Assisi and going all soft-hearted for the tiger cubs simply looks desperate. No, none of us are forgetting who created this mess in the first place. And none of us are forgetting that what we are dealing with here, essentially, is a government that seems to be wearing blinkers when serious illegalities are taking place across the country. 

Dr Muscat, what you really need to do is apologise to the voters who elected you and to the injured 

boy’s parents for not having the cojones to take action earlier; this whole illegal animal park thing was a ticking bomb that everyone could see coming a mile away. And what did our government do? 

Avert its eyes, that’s what.

So please, avoid trying to tug at heartstrings with some pathetic excuse. Close the park and rehome the animals, already. Maybe then you can start picking up your dignity from the floor.