It has been more than a century since the first ‘modern’ roundabout – whatever that means – was installed in Letchworth Garden City, in the UK. And while the roundabout has nobly served its purpose in ensuring smooth traffic flow for those on the merry-go-round, I cannot but help think its days are numbered.

This island’s traffic seems to queue from one roundabout to the next and even with the development of Malta’s new super Coast Road, I would bet my last euro that the traffic will come to a grinding halt at the roundabout on the outskirts of Buġibba.

Most of my daily life is spent in the island’s ‘northern’ provinces, with rare visits to the south to enjoy the unrivalled seafood and the airport. And it is painstakingly clear that this country has had its fill of roundabouts and they need to be squared away.

First up against the wall is the Kappara roundabout, already in the pipeline, I am told, followed closely by Buġibba, Lija, and Mosta (limits of Mġarr).

None of the esoteric solutions proposed, such as monorails or flying saucers, are necessary, but a cautious design of flyover or unders, coupled with a moderate amount of well-placed traffic light systems to ease the flow.

While these are big infrastructural projects and of significant cost, I am sure our passport buyers would highly appreciate us using their cold hard cash for easing their journey on the island.

The island also seems to have gone mad with traffic lights and pelican crossings, liberally sprinkling them along major thoroughfares with no consideration to the traffic congestion they cause. This country needs less traffic lights and a more aware driving public.

For example, no matter how fresh you want your pastizzi or how crisp you want your cash, for God’s sake don’t double park in front of your favourite confectionery or your most reputable bank, as this causes huge bottlenecks.

Incidentally, following on from my brief foray in the literature of fluid motion and statistics, the bottleneck caused by double parking, and hence narrowing the road, is very much akin to cholesterol congestion in your arteries.

While it may be possible that terrorists will be doing some last-minute revision in the university library... it still seems unlikely that these measures will be more useful than a waterproof teabag

So next time you double park think that it is indeed you who is the cholesterol causing heart attacks – maybe not to your good self at that particular time but to the poor sods waiting for Your Majesty’s pastizzi.

On the subject of Her Majesty, this sort of traffic can be the only reason for closing the University of Malta and schools during the visit of the Queen and her closest family at the end of November for the Commonwealth summit.

National security is the reason the government is ramming down our throat, and while this is possibly either a test of the government’s spin department or an effort to understand just how gullible the driving population of this country is, it boggles my mind how our education system has been brought to a halt quicker than a warden’s frantic wave to pull over.

Now, of course, my experience with national security measures has been limited to Frederick Forsyth and Arthur Conan Doyle novels. And while it may be possible that terrorists will be doing some last-minute revision in the university library and that Car Park 6 may be used to land a helicopter in case of dire emergency, since the helipad at the hospital itself seems incapable of handling the load – literally, I’m informed – it still seems unlikely that these measures will be more useful than a waterproof teabag.

Surely, any criminal mastermind worth his salt would merely need to look at which roads are being desperately resurfaced by the thinnest veneer of tarmac only to be washed away by the next rains. If the carcades need to be incapacitated, removing a few manhole covers – as the rains from above regularly show us – will be enough to ensure the poor victims would be sitting ducks for any mayhem that could ensue.

I do sympathise with the poor students, who I am sure are in desperate need for some extracurricular activities. I will be expecting to see the streets lined with uniformed children waving Maltese flags everywhere the Queen and other heads of government pass, expressing their untold gratitude for a well-deserved break from their hectic lesson schedules.

I would imagine London regularly closes its schools and universities when Her Majesty decides to go on a stroll.

But I remain positive. The fact CHOGM is happening on our little island is something that as Commonwealth citizens we should be proud of.

While, in my mind, the Commonwealth is to the United Nations what the Commonwealth Games are to the Olympics, it nevertheless serves to remind us of our heritage and Malta’s significant contribution to the British empire, not least in the romantic introduction of her majesty to Prince Philip, but in its strong strategic role played in World War II, which remains relevant to this very day.

Kristian Zarb Adami is a physics professor at the University of Malta.

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