We associate dementia with forgetting, and loss. In fact, at times it is referred to as the ‘long goodbye’. If we are not careful we forget to see the person and see only the disease, and we end up focusing on the changes rather than the abilities.

As time goes by, some individuals lose their mastery of the spoken language. Many times, this is seen as the inability of a person to communicate, but, communication is so much more than the mere spoken word.

Communication occurs with a smile, a touch, a grimace or a tone of voice. Many times I have heard the same distressed remarks from a loved one: “I feel so left out, I feel there is a distance between us that was not there before”; “I feel so helpless, I cannot understand what is wanted/needed”; and, because people do not know what to say, do, or listen out for, a greater void and distance is created.

What can we do?

Use smiles: smiling is the universal way for showing friendship,a non-threatening demeanour and openness.

Create eye contact: face the person you are communicating with, many times we tend to speak over our shoulder or while carrying out another task. Use age-appropriate speech and tonality (remember an adult is not a child), never discuss the other person with a third party, making the person feel non-existent.

Use touch: an appropriate touch can convey many messages. A touch may be soothing and relaxing, it can be respectful and loving. On the other hand, it may also indicate control, irritation and ‘domination’.

Communication is so much more than the mere spoken word

Understanding the power of touch will help to avoid misunderstandings and upset. Gentle and slow, hand, feet and face rubs, can calm and help in various situations. (Ensure that no residual gel, cream or oil is left on the hands and feet as this may contribute to slipping and falls. Professional complementary interventions should always be carried out by a trained and qualified practitioner.)

Hug often: appropriate and well-timed hugging is a way of communicating care, safety, comfort and serenity, as well as creating or reinforcing a close physical and emotional bond.

Speak about the subjects that matter to the person: reminiscence focuses on recalling past memories and experiences, it can occur in a group setting or even on a one-to-one basis. Reminiscence is an effective way of communicating, it affirms and validates the person, as it focuses on long-term memories.

Photographs, objects, sounds and tastes are only a few of the themes one can use. Reminiscence can be pleasurable to all involved and may evoke feelings of serenity, happiness and joy, which leave a lasting lingering effect on the person’s mood. The contrary is also true: feelings of anger, sadness, fear and distress may also leave a lasting and lingering effect on the person’s mood.

Music: use favourite music to lighten a mood and create a sense of serenity; be sure to use music the person relates to and enjoys. Music tends to have a very positive effect on mood and communication (both verbal and non-verbal).

Avoid arguments and confrontation: at times, it is only human to argue and discuss, especially with a close family member or partner. Many times confrontation and arguments will only lead to all involved ending up teary, frustrated and agitated. Listen to what is being expressed, look for the feelings and emotions, be patient, and remember no adult likes being ‘corrected’ or ‘told off’.

Look after yourself: accept support and help, accepting help shows strength not weakness. Structure and plan your ‘time out’. Keep yourself updated and informed, create beautiful memories together.

Myra Azzopardi is the dementia and support services manager at CareMalta.