Research in social psychology strongly suggests that for us to become more proficient, accurate and effective in our communication and relational skills we need to give non-verbal communication its due attention and importance.

Body language, in particular, can be regarded as the external manifestation of our emotional state and the real intended meaning of our communication.

Therefore, every gesture, facial expression and body movement can give us valuable insight into how a person is really feeling about what they are saying.

An important factor in this respect is that body language is so unconsciously regulated that we tend to be unaware of it most of the time. Our body often reveals what our words do not.

Furthermore, in our daily interactions, when our body language contradicts our words, people will tend to go with what our body is ‘saying’ rather than the actual words we speak. For example, while talking to someone we may be using words that indicate confidence and certainty while at the same time showing signs of anxiety and tension by wringing our hands. This contradiction can often be observed in public speeches and interviews with politicians.

Every major part of our body has significant impact on the messages we give out and read in other people. The face is clearly the most powerful non-verbal communicator and it is essential that as we interact we ‘look’ at people’s faces for the clear or sometimes subtle changes of expression that indicate how the other person is reacting to us or to what they are saying.

Arms and hands are also key players in communication. Indeed, some researchers claim that through hand movements we unwittingly display our inner thoughts and ways of understanding and perceiving the world. Consider, for example, a person who is saying that they have a problem while making large, all-encompassing gestures with their arms. This may reveal the magnitude of their emotional experience and perception of the problem they are describing.

Our legs and feet and the general orientation of our body play a significant role in giving out messages. We often unconsciously orient our body towards our intention. For example, if we need to terminate a conversation, we may naturally start to open up our angle to face the direction we want to go.

Every gesture, facial expression and body movement can give us valuable insight into how a person is really feeling

Likewise, in a social group, we may point our leading leg while standing towards the people we are most attracted to.

Handshakes are also strong indicators of unconscious intention. We all know how it feels when someone presents us with a ‘dead fish’ or crushes our hands until we have tears in our eyes.

Together with other signals, the type of handshake we receive can tell us a lot about the other person’s intent to position themselves in relation to us.

This means that we can also respond with the appropriate handshake to equalise, neutralise or reciprocate the effect.

Another important aspect of body language is the light it sheds on the type of rapport present between people as they are interacting with each other.

Studies discovered that when people are in a positive relationship with each other, they tend to mirror each other’s facial expressions and gestures to the extent that even their breathing rate is synchronised.

On the other hand, when rapport is negative, one observes a lack of mirroring just as if the people concerned are resisting syncing with each other.

When used ethically and responsibly, these observations can be very beneficial in improving the quality of our interactions and relationships with people. It also shows how through being mindful and managing our own gestures, facial expressions, posture and tonality, we can be more consistent in the messages we give out to others and read other people better.

An awareness and knowledge of the role of non-verbal communication is essential in dealing with people at work. Whether you need to influence, sell, persuade, negotiate or simply get a clear message across or really understand what someone else means, attending to non-verbal aspects of communication is crucial.

Being aware of the psychology of body language is also important to learn and to adopt the body language of assertiveness and self-confidence. This can make all the difference in how our communication is received.

What is very important is that we need to be cautious and ethical about the judgments we make from reading people’s body language. Unfortunately, television series such as Lie to Me have given a somewhat magical and mysterious element to reading other people’s body language.

It is essential that we keep the verbal, environmental and cultural context constantly present and regard non-verbal behaviour in clusters of information rather than isolated signals. While non-verbal messages are more reliable sources of information than words, they are still not complete messages and should never be regarded as such.

We also need to bear in mind that as humans, we have a tendency to make snap judgements about people based on minimal information.

While this may be an effective way of simplifying the barrage of information coming our way, it can easily lead us to make to wrong judgements based on stereotypes and biased categorisations.

One of the main reasons for misunderstanding non-verbal messages is that our own experiences and associations filter the meaning that is communicated by others.

The meaning of everything we experience is a constructed subjective reality that goes through layers of ‘perceptual filters’ that distort, delete and generalise messages.

The key, therefore, is that non-verbal signals are not complete messages but important sources of information that can help us understand others better. We also need to be aware of the messages we are giving through our non-verbal behaviour.

Communication is a complex give and take of messages and cues. Watch for a groups of signals that are transmitting a common message. Ask yourself – are the non-verbals matching the words that this person is saying?

Most important of all, tune in to people by being mindful and present and ‘attend’ to their whole body and tonality and not just the words they speak.

In the words of educator and author Howard Peter Gruber: “Language is a more recent technology. Your body language, your eyes, your energy will come through to your audience before you even start speaking.”

Patrick Psaila is a registered psychologist and director of PsyPotential (Malta). He will be delivering a public course on the psychology of body language on October 21 and 28. For more information, call course coordinator Ilona Deguara on 9997 3246 between 2.30pm and 6pm or contact Patrick Psaila by e-mail at pjpsaila@psypotential.com, through www.psypotential.com or by calling 7988 7982.