7am. Log on Facebook, upload status: “Good day to all. A nice cup of Jasmine tea and off to work. Bonġu people.”
8am. Upload Googled photo of sunrise in the Caribbean with profound quote: “Everything happens for a reason.”
9am. Husband at work since 6am. Upload photo of husband and me at Ta’ Marija restaurant, two years ago. Write status: “I love you babe, we went through ups and downs, you are the reason I want to live #feelingblessed.”
10am. Check who is Liking my posts, Like their posts back.
11am. School results are out, upload status: “My intelligent daughter got the best results in class. Sweetie, you make me so proud!!!!!!”
12pm. A Facebook friend (born 1967, never met her, but always likes my posts) changes her profile picture to one posing pouting against a tree, wearing a bikini. Write comment on her wall: “Looking good hon! Bellissima xxx Beautiful inside and out xxx.”
1pm. Back home, cooking for the family. Post photos of lunch: canned tuna, baked beans and Wudy sausages. “Nothing beats healthy home-made food.” Status gets 20 likes.
1.05pm. Upload photo of a sprite girl doing yoga on the beach and write: “We are what we eat.” Make mental note to consider yoga classes next year.
2pm. Get three friend requests. One is called Anna Panna, another one Joe Borg and another one Honey Lulu. We have no common friends. Accept their request. Now have total of 376 friends.
2.30pm. Sudden terrible itch on my elbow. Rush to upload status: “Does anyone out there have an elbow itch?” No replies.
3pm. Decide to comment on current affairs. “Let’s be mature for once and be happy with monuments to commemorate our leaders. Let’s learn to appreciate art #ashamedtobeMaltese #proudtobeMaltese.” Several replies to congratulate me on my train of thought.
4pm. Upload status: “Pray for me I need to go to doctor for ingrown toenail.”
5pm. Upload status: “Thank you for your prayers xxx My toenail is fine))))”
5.30pm. Upload close-up photo of said toenail. No Likes.
6pm. Upload photo of my son, taken 15 years ago, age two. Love the picture: he had just got up from his potty, you can just see his cute patata and is holding a football in his hand. Write status: “It was always your dream from the day you were born!!! You can do it, I know it in my heart!!! One day you will play for Manchester United!!!”
6.30pm. Share a Daily Mail article about how smartphones can make us forget to talk to the people right next to us. I write comment: “Love this – made me cry when I read it.”
7pm. Write status: “Feeling( sad.”
8pm. Write status: “Overwhelmed by your feedback and your comments of support. I was upset because we ran out of Mars bars. Your comments made my day – I am blessed with such good friends, I don’t deserve it xxx.”
8.30pm. Upload photo of supper: toast with butter and pre-packed sliced cheese
9pm. Planning holiday to Catania. Write post: “Feeling excited!!! Finalising plans for mega-holiday!! Leaving this Monday at noon for a whole week. We’re leaving no one behind, except for the spare key under the planter outside hahahaha.”
10pm. Loving husband just came in from work, pecked me a kiss on the forehead and went straight up to bed. Upload stock photo of a silhouette of a couple kissing. Update my status. “I love you babe, we share every second of our lives, and I just want to cry with happiness when I think of you. I admire you so much. You are my soulmate forever.”
11pm. Write status: “Feeling sleepy.”
11.30pm. Google some quotes.
12am. Upload a quote by Princess Diana: “Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.”
12.30am Upload a quote by Gandhi: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow; learn as if you were to live forever.”
1am. Write status: “Goodnight guys, see you tomorrow.”
6am. Check how many Liked my the midnight statuses. Like their posts back.
7am. Upload picture of sunrise in Thailand. Write status: “A good day to all!!!”
krischetcuti@gmail.com
Twitter: @KrisChetcuti