Lack of etiquette reigned at a free performance by The Pendulum Choir. Alan Stewart jacks up some vitriol on the nature of the audiences he has experienced.
So the stage is set. Nine men clad entirely in black are elevated five feet above ground, strapped to chrome hydraulics beside the entrance to Valletta.
They stoically stay still as the curious crowd gathers along the stairs that lead to St James Cavalier and settles in. Along the piazza a dance and light show is still running.
The people shift restlessly wondering what to expect, conjecture abound. Then it begins.
The Pendulum Choir launch into an a cappella rendition of… well, nothing. Focusing entirely on their mastery of singing they hold notes, which are modulated and distorted to produce an interesting sonic and aural experience.
The hydraulics move them around in real time, software programmed to respond to the singers’ voice, but they move awkwardly and shake as they lock into position.
It takes less than three minutes for the first person to decide this isn’t for them and leave... they lead like Moses out of Egypt.
People start to shuffle off, peeling away from the sides at first. But soon it gets worse as they start walking directly past the performers. I can hear two of the organisers tut at first and then, soon after, they go to berate the security guard for allowing such free flow of human traffic. They then opt to act as barriers to pedestrians themselves, ineffectually.
People, we need to talk. It’s really not okay to blithely stroll past performers in the middle of their art. If you don’t like it, at least be discreet.
It is not okay to stroll past performers in the middle of their art
If you must, hug the walls, slip past the parliament building and do it quickly. Do not walk in a straight line directly from seat to exit within inches of the Swiss man tilted at 40 degrees off the ground.
Just because this is a free event that you have been offered, doesn’t make them buskers. There is no hat on the floor, hungry for your change. You were even allowed to freely take pictures (not that denying you this would prevent you from snapping a few shots and checking your Facebook feed while at it).
Actually, an aside while I’m on a rant. You need to turn your phones off during performances. This is not a request. It is not an option. You will not be missed for two hours. No, do not put it on silent or vibrate. Off.
It should be permissible for performers to confiscate phones and drop them in a solution of salt water and faeces, taking actress Patti Lupone’s recent brave stand a step further.
But with that all being said, was this really the best kind of event to offer for free in order to attract the masses at an arts festival? Sadly, I believe not.
The Pendulum Choir may be an award-winning ensemble, but their performance is a fairly intimate choral show with niche appeal. I turn to the organisers with the lofty ideal of edifying the masses with something different.
Last year, the Malta Arts Festival opened with a concert by 2 Cellos playing commercial songs on classical cello.
It might not be art as the puritans wish it to be, but there wasn’t a spare seat to be had and it was refreshingly different for most.
The reality remains. If we want to make strides in bringing culture to the masses, we need to take baby steps – or we will only get walk-outs.