Being a single dad not only carries a stigma, but comes with a specific set of hardships. Helen Raine finds that one organisation, DadsHouse, is striving to change that.

Becoming a single father can be an isolating experience. With women often the main caregivers in Malta, a sole man might feel marooned on the edge of female groups at the school gates, with no idea how to introduce himself.

William McGranaghan knows all about that; his solo journey with young son Sam lead him to set up www.dadshouse.co.uk, a resource aimed at helping single fathers in the UK. He explained how he got through the challenges and why he now wants to help other dads in the same position.

How did you come to be a single father?

I became the main carer after my son’s mother was diagnosed with post-natal depression. We felt it would be better for Sam if I looked after him full-time.

What did you find to be the greatest challenges in taking on that role?

Trying to take care of a small child and find flexible work at the same time. I needed something that would allow me to work around nursery, school and Sam’s other needs as he grew older.

The cooking and cleaning was also quite a challenge.

How do you feel that single mothers and single fathers differ?

I think single mothers are very good at organisation and communication. They also seem to be able to find what they need with ease, whereas men struggle more, it seems to me, to reach out for support and find it. Single mothers are adept at building networks, organising coffee mornings and meeting up after school, for example. I think men find that kind of thing much harder to do.

How long did it take to find a support group?

At the time, there were no support groups for single fathers in the UK, or groups willing to embrace single fathers into their network. Dads were very much on their own when it came to finding support services offering advice on the day to day practicalities of childcare.

Did you find that women were actively resistant to including you in their informal groups or was it more that they didn’t know what to do with you?

Most mothers I met were very welcoming, but I think it was hard for them to process that I was a father who was also the main carer and that made it difficult for them to reach out. Some perhaps felt that a coffee morning made up solely of mothers wouldn’t be my cup of tea, which is quite understandable, but at that point, as a main carer, you are always glad of the company. Besides, what could be nicer than being surrounded by lots of lovely ladies!

My advice would be; don’t feel guilty, enjoy being a dad,and learn to cook

Do you think the challenges that you faced affected your child adversely?

The impact of anything on a child will vary considerably, depending on the child themselves and the way their parents cope with obstacles in life. I was a very hands-on father so I don’t feel Sam was negatively affected in any way, but it would have been much easier had there been support in place for single fathers like me. That’s what drove me to set up DadsHouse, which has been one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. We are now the leading support service in the UK for single fathers and I credit that to having been a single father myself and also having a passion for parenting.

What do you think the perception of a single dad is and how is Dadshouse working to change that?

Single fathers are perceived in lots of different ways. There is a certain social stigma attached to being a single dad, but the reality on the ground is very different.

Many fathers become the main carers of their children through the death of a spouse, or separation. In London alone there are over 20,000 lone dads who are also the main carers of their children and around 200,000 single fathers in the UK who are actively involved in their children’s lives.

The media tend to paint single fathers as these deadbeat dads who don’t love their children, but those fathers are the exception and not the rule.

That’s why we started our In Dad’s Shoes photographic tour, which features some amazing photographs of lone dads taken by acclaimed photographer Harry Borden and which aims to send out the message that paternal love is as powerful as maternal love, and that both are equally important to a child. Since 2009, the exhibition has been viewed by over 18,000 people. DadsHouse also offers fathers a network to be a part of and we feel very strongly that dads should feel they can ask for help and advice whenever they need it.

We offer emotional support too – fathers can suffer from loneliness and depression so it’s really important that they have people they can talk to. Our mentors do just that; they give fathers the chance to talk about any concerns they have and get feedback.

This kind of support wasn’t available ten years ago, and today it is still very limited. DadsHouse also actively supports contact between fathers and their children, and works to open communication between all members of the family both immediate and extended.

DadsHouse may be a support network for fathers, but we are very conscious of the importance of including everyone, regardless of gender. Mothers, aunts, sisters and grandmothers are all welcome at our House.

Our unique and embracing approach to parenthood has been very popular here in the UK. We are often approached by local authorities in England who ask us to provide our blend of support to fathers all over the country.

What are the positives to being a single dad?

Being a single parent invites you to be the best role model for your child. It’s an exciting challenge, which allows you to grow as a person. Whilst your child is blossoming before your eyes, you are evolving too; going on that kind of emotional journey with your child is one of life’s greatest adventures.

You believe that dads are not necessarily as naturally gifted when it comes to caring for their children. Do you feel that this is because they haven’t practised or that this is an innate ability that men are lacking?

It’s a controversial viewpoint in some quarters but whether through lack of practice or biology, fathers do tend to find parenting less easy than some mothers. That is, of course, a very general observation, with plenty of exceptions, but as a father myself and having helped thousands of dads in the last few years, that viewpoint does tend to hold.

Were your employers supportive of your single dad status? Did they even understand your issues?

To a certain extent. Difficulties would inevitably arise when I needed to take Sam to the doctor or attend a school event, and those things coincided with work deadlines, but these sorts of pressures are faced the world over by parents today.

What services does DadsHouse offer that were lacking for you?

DadsHouse offers fathers a place where they can access support on their own terms, something I wish I had had. From our cooking classes to our football nights, we offer single fathers the chance to socialise and meet dads who are experiencing similar things and have plenty of advice to offer.

It’s that kind of know – how and support I wish I could have found – the sense of community delivered to men in a way they can feel comfortable accessing, whilst getting children and other family members involved.

There were periods when I would have very much liked to be able to just drop in somewhere and clear my head. So I developed our Buddy Service; fathers can come to DadsHouse and discuss their worries over a coffee in an informal setting. Homelessness is a big issue for single fathers, so we help with accommodation.

How many users do you have?

DadsHouse has helped thousands of families since launching in 2007. At the moment, we receive around 100 requests for help a day.

What kind of feedback do you get from dads about the site and services?

The feedback has been very positive amongst the fathers we’ve helped. Our work has also attracted some wonderful feedback authorities in the UK, with various departments offering their support for the work we do. I’m always very humbled by that kind of response, whether it’s from our single dads or government officials who love what we’re doing.

If you could offer three pieces of advice to a newly single dad, what would they be?

Don’t feel guilty, enjoy being a dad and learn to cook…

Your events seem to be mainly in London – are you planning to expand?

DadsHouse is a fully mobile enterprise which offers telephone support to fathers all over the world and consultancy to governments and organisations both here in the UK and abroad. Every father in the world deserves to have access to high quality support and advice, for their wellbeing and to enable them to give their children everything they need.