Having gay parents might not be the norm in Malta, but in the US, it’s already old hat. The phenomenon even has its own moniker; the ‘gayby boom’ and there are plenty of celebrity trailblazers showing that being gay is no impediment to raising children.

Designer Tom Ford and Richard Buckley had a son in 2012 via a surrogate mother.

Designer Tom Ford and Richard Buckley had a son in 2012 via a surrogate mother; singer Ricky Martin had twin boys in 2008; Elton John and David Furnish’s son was born to a surrogate in 2010 and they’ve had another son since. Elton John told Closer Magazine: “Fatherhood has been the best thing that’s ever happened to us.”

With gay unions now legal in Malta, being a child with two dads is likely to become more commonplace. More men are also coming out as gay after having children with a wife or girlfriend. But opposition from the Church remains and several studies, often funded by Christian organisations, have suggested that having gay parents can affect a child’s mental health. That’s hotly disputed both in scientific literature and by the children of gay men.

The presumption that children need both a mother and a father is so widespread that people accept it uncritically

A motherless child

Science Daily notes that the presumption that children need both a mother and a father is so widespread that people accept it uncritically, despite the fact that there is almost no research to support this claim.

In fact, supporters of this view routinely ignore research on same-gender parents. Timothy Biblarz and Judith Stacey of New York University analysed relevant studies about parenting and found “no evidence of gender-based parenting abilities”, noting that very little about the gender of the parent has significance for children’s psychological adjustment and social success.

In their research, they state: “The social science research that is routinely cited does not actually speak to the questions of whether or not children need both a mother and a father at home. Instead proponents generally cite research that compares [heterosexual two-parent] families with single parents, thus conflating the number with the gender of parents.”

Common sense, as well as science, dictates that what children really need, above all else, is love and security. The sexual orientation and gender of a parent is immaterial as long as they can provide that unconditional affection.

Biblarz notes: “The science shows that children raised by two same-gender parents do as well on average as children raised by two different-gender parents.”

All you need is love

Having kids brings gay couples exactly the same measure of wild happiness, bottomless frustration, sleepless anxiety, exquisite irritation and delirious love that it bring heterosexual couples. But what does having a gay father or two dads confer upon those children?

American Senator for Washington State, Kevin Ranker, has an answer for that. “Love,” he says of his gay father. He told The Seattle Times: “I grew up with a strong value system — one nurtured by a father who provided me with a foundation to succeed and who gave me unconditional love and support. I was taught that a family was not determined by the genders of the persons involved, but by the love and commitment that they shared. I was taught that every person is to be treated with respect and dignity. I was taught to continually strive to better myself through education and faith.”

He adds: “These are the values I have carried with me throughout my life and these are the values my wife and I now pass on to our beautiful little girl. There are tens of thousands like me, thousands of children of gay parents who grew up just fine.”

Happy, happier, happiest

Recent research from Australia goes even further than that, suggesting that the children of same sex couples could actually be happier than their peers. In the largest study of its kind worldwide, researchers from the University of Melbourne assessed 315 same-sex parents. They found children raised by same-sex partners were six per cent higher than the national average in terms of health and family cohesion.

“That’s really a measure that looks at how well families get along, and it seems that same-sex-parent families and the children in them are getting along well, and this has positive impacts on child health,” lead researcher Crouch told the ABC news network. He puts that down to the fact that gay couples are less affected by traditional gender role stereotyping.

“What this means is that people take on roles that are suited to their skill sets rather than falling into those gender stereotypes, which is mum staying home and looking after the kids and dad going out to earn money… this leads to is a more harmonious family unit and … better health and well-being.”

The study did uncover that gay parents are still dealing with social challenges however. Crouch says: “Within these families, stigma is experienced in many ways… it might be something as simple as a letter coming home from school addressed to Mr and Mrs, which wouldn’t be appropriate for these families, but it can be more overt and damaging, such as bullying in the playground. We also see a lot of negative rhetoric spoken about same-sex parent families and this has a negative impact on child health in this context.”

It’s down to all of us to make sure that stigma disappears in Malta so that the children of gay parents can fulfil their true potential.