How does the modern-day dad feel about discipline? And is authority a thing of the past? Iggy Fenech speaks to three dads to find out what they think.

There is no doubt about it: over the years, the role of the father has changed. In this day and age, no one expects a dad to be the sole breadwinner, or to be tough, or to use force to teach his children to be obedient.

Today’s dad has to be emotional and understanding; he has to love his children but also leave them free to take their own paths. But where does that leave him in terms of discipline? Has the modern-day dad lost his claim to the patriarchal status? I chat to three dads to find out.

Peter Grech with his family.Peter Grech with his family.

Founder of Brandwagon Peter Grech is also the father of three, adorable children: Lily, 6; Andy, 5; and Jamie, 1.

“I’ve been blessed with three amazing, crazy, sweet, creative, loving-yet-hard-headed mutations of my wife and I… Yes, sometimes they drive us nuts but immediately after they fill us with love and happiness, and I wouldn’t want it any other way!

“I would say that while, at the core, the role of a dad has stayed somewhat the same as it was 50 years ago – to care for, provide for and mentor – the circumstances and approach have definitely changed.

“The life we lead today is as connected as it is disconnected. Social media, mobile technology and the distribution of wealth, have opened up opportunities that we would have never imagined yet, at the same time, these have created distractions that can easily get in the way of building true, deep relationships with our children.

“I grew up in a family of five kids and my father was, and still is, a great example to us all. He had the ability to stop us in our tracks with just one look, but he was the first to take his time to explain over and over again what we had done wrong. He also sweetened everything up with chocolate… which helped!

Dads have the responsibility to teach respect by example

“I also went to a Catholic school run by De La Salle brothers, so I naturally gravitate towards discipline – even though I spent the second half of my teens rebelling against it.

“I believe discipline is crucial but it must be guided and explained. We need to teach our kids to stop and think before they act and not just obey because they are told to. However there’s an ocean that separates words and actions, and most times I’m the first to fire out a ‘No!’, ‘Stop!’ or ‘That’s enough!’ without taking the time to educate.

“Even so, I think that ‘authority’ is a big, ugly word that is sometimes confused with ego and expectations for reverence based on fear; authority is a legal term that should only be used when taking decisions on behalf of minors trusted in our care.

“Dads have the responsibility to teach respect by example and expect it in return. Respect out of fear is called terrorism. Our children are our future leaders, so… Do we want (more) terrorists in the boardrooms, parliaments and schools of the future?”

Gianni and family.Gianni and family.

Rocker Gianni Zammit is renowned for his quick wit and humour. But how does he fare as a disciplinarian?

“Being a dad is like a rollercoaster ride: it’s exciting and scary, but fun all along… Oh, and there’s been some vomiting too.

“I think that dads are more hands on nowadays than they were in the past. Well, at least those that choose to play an active part in their kids’ upbringing and try to set a decent work-life balance. But this is just an observation.

Authority is something you need to ‘earn’

“Personally, I think discipline is extremely important. I’m a St Aloysius boy and a firm believer in discipline. Basically, I feel discipline is one of the pillars in the character formation of a child because – and this is something fundamental – it teaches you respect.

“I would say that both her mother and I discipline Kay, who is now six, however, I tend to be the stricter one. But trust me, I do have my spoil-her-rotten side, too.

“Whether a father is authoritative or not is a personal choice, however I believe that authority is something you need to earn; you can’t just expect it or demand it.”

Lawrence Grey and family.Lawrence Grey and family.

Although singer-songwriter Lawrance Gray loves spoiling his son, he still believes that discipline is an important part of growing up.

“My experience as a dad has been great! It’s such a beautiful feeling and a big lesson in life, and I’ve finally learnt what it means to love someone more than you love yourself.

“Yet that doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t discipline his children. I believe that discipline is very important, especially in this day and age. I believe that without discipline, you won’t grow up to be a very respected man in life – at least that is what I try to teach to my son, Liam, who is two-years-old.

You are never wrong in your children’s eyes

Having said that, my wife, Maronia, is much more of a disciplinarian than I am. I love spoiling Liam, and while some people say that it’s not very good to spoil your children… Well, I don’t really believe that. All I do is show him and give him all the love that is in me – the way my parents did with me, after all.

“I often try to walk in my father’s footsteps in this matter. I believe that, as a father, you are never wrong in your children’s eyes, and that’s what my father was and still is to me: the prefect example of what a perfect father should be, and till now I believe that am doing well.”

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