A total of 207 children are currently in foster placement in Malta. In the run-up to Father’s Day, Sandra Aquilina goes beyond the figures to listen to one man’s story of life as a foster carer

“No one child’s story is the same as the other, no rules apply for all. You have to listen to every individual case,” says David*. Together with his wife, he is a long-term foster carer of two children and has provided respite care to several others. “The children look at me as their father figure. They want me to play with them, to help them with their homework, to watch them practising a sport,” he says proudly. “Looking back, I am very satisfied with what we have achieved.”

David’s entry into foster care was not without its share of troubles, however. Initially he was reluctant to take on the role, fearing the responsibility it would bring. “Malta is a small country and communities are closely interlinked. I was also scared of the temporary nature of fostering – unlike adoption, fostering is temporary. But mostly, I was terrified of the responsibility.”

Still in their early 40s and without children of their own, he and his wife were living a life of semi-luxury, travelling frequently and enjoying life and David struggled with the changes children would bring. He mulled over it for around a year.

The spark came when the couple entered a programme which allowed Maltese families to give foreign children a two to three-month dream holiday. Initially they welcomed a 10-year-old Russian boy into their home. The stay went so well that, the following year, the couple brought over both the boy and his 16-year-old sister. Over the years, a close bond developed and the couple also visited the siblings in Russia. The children kept returning every year, with the girl still maintaining close contact with them.

“That’s what made us realise that we have the required parenting skills.” Eventually, the couple also got involved in the spiritual care of the children of their village, developing their parenting skills further.

“Fostering is a vocation. Even if you try to run away from it, it still stays within you.” So, one day, after months of agonising, David woke up and called Aġenzija Appoġġ. After that, things were set in motion. After completing the six-week preparation course, the couple underwent an assessment and received their approval by the fostering board. Things died down for a while until, one day, just after Christmas eight years ago, they received a phone call.

“We were at the supermarket and it was the social worker. She said there was a baby who needed care, and would we keep her? She needed an answer within an hour.”

Even if the children stay with you for several years, it is still temporary

The couple made a few frantic calls and managed to borrow a cot and other necessities. But, when they called back, the social worker asked them to wait a few days. Eventually she informed them that the baby was not coming.

Shortly after, however, a new baby arrived, a two-and-a-half-month-old girl. “So that’s how it all started.” The baby was a short-term placement but, eventually, David and his wife received a long-term placement, a girl, now seven-years-old. Meanwhile, the couple kept receiving other short-term placements, including a two-day-old baby girl suffering from withdrawal symptoms and an eight-year-old boy who visited them at the weekends.

The baby stayed with them for three months, until the baby’s natural family organised themselves sufficiently to be able to care for her.

“That was one of the most beautiful moments of our lives – and theirs. We saw their joy and we were happy with them. The fear of every foster carer is that the child will not go back into safe hands – but this was different.”

Then, when the girl was almost two, another longterm placement arrived, a boy. He came from another foster family and the two families developed close ties. “The first foster carer was very grateful that we did not try to sever ties.”

Now six years old, the boy also maintains regular contact with his natural mother. He is doing well at school and is a happy, healthy boy. David insists that when there is a healthy relationship with the natural family, it is the children who benefit.

“Both our fostered children have photos of their natural mothers in their rooms.” When the fostered girl received presents from her biological mother, he and his wife ensured that she would wear them to the next visit. Recently, however, the girl’s mother has stopped visiting. “The girl we foster has everything she needs – but she has an emptiness in her heart which we cannot fill.” The little girl asks David’s wife whether she was born in her tummy like other children. “My wife answers that she was born in her heart.”

It seems strange to think that this man once hesitated to become a foster dad. “Once you get into it and you realise that you are doing a lot of good, they become like your children. Fostering gives children a second chance in life.” The first five years of life are key to character formation. “Children need to be surrounded by love, security and individual attention and only a stable family can provide this.”

Still, a deep uncertainty runs through the very nature of fostering. “With fostering, you don’t know how long the child will stay with you. In Malta, even if the children stay with you for several years, it is still temporary. Some people think fostering is free adoption – because adoption can be expensive – but there is this big difference.”

How does the family cope with the uncertainty? “We are very religious, so we trust in the hands of the Lord. We take it day by day. For now, the children are with us. They are like our own. If the time comes when I have to let go, I will let go. If that time comes. But maybe it will never come.”

*Name changed

Those interested in fostering may contact the Aġenzija Appoġġ’s fostering service on 2295 9000 or visit www.appogg.gov.mt.

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