As the Premier League grinds to a halt this afternoon there is going to be a severe fingernail shortage in Hull and Newcastle.

We know who has won the title and we know who is going to be strutting their stuff in the Champions League next season. To be honest, we’ve had a pretty good idea of both for quite a while.

Hull City manager Steve Bruce. Photo: Reuters/Matthew ChildsHull City manager Steve Bruce. Photo: Reuters/Matthew Childs

Slightly further down the table, the Europa League place (or places depending on the FA Cup final) is still up for grabs, although frankly, it’s hard to get too excited about which team gets to play in European football’s equivalent of a ‘B’ movie.

But while the top of the league may be pretty much done and dusted, at the bottom, one battle is still raging – the one to avoid the last relegation spot. By 6pm we will know which northern town can crack open the champagne and which needs to brace itself for games against Rotherham, MK Dons and Brighton.

Newcastle United manager John Carver. Photo: Reuters/Lee SmithNewcastle United manager John Carver. Photo: Reuters/Lee Smith

Both teams have had 3,330 minutes (plus injury time) to avoid relegation yet they have left it to the last 90 minutes to save their skins.

This afternoon, Newcastle United face West Ham United at St James’ Park while Hull City are at home to Manchester United. There are, of course, a couple of different permutations here involving wins, draws and goal difference.

But the bottom line is that Hull face the hardest task because anything less than victory over Louis van Gaal’s team and they will be joining Queens Park Rangers and Burnley in the Championship next season. Simple as that.

Even a win might not be enough, depending on what Newcastle do, and, watching Steve Bruce speaking to the press last week, you get the sense he is already resigned to taking another team out of the top flight.

But if football is a strange old game, then Premiership football is positively weird. There have been many occasions in the past when a team has seemed dead and buried only for them to be saved by a final twist. I could tell you about Wigan Athletic’s incredible last-day survival in 2007 but, as a Sheffield United fan, that’s a bit of a sore point. So I won’t.

With Newcastle seemingly intent on self-destructing at every available opportunity this season, Hull do have a glimmer of hope.

Their problem is that even if Newcastle lose they still have to beat a Manchester United team that is unlikely to roll over for a final day tummy tickle. Even if the United players do have one eye on their summer holidays, Hull are so out of form they probably won’t be able to take advantage of their opponent’s lack of focus.

Although I know from first-hand experience (a lot of it) that relegation can be heartbreaking, at least Hull fans will be able to take some consolation if they do go down: it should put the whole name changing fiasco to bed.

In the Premiership the owners could argue, however dubiously, that the ‘Hull Tigers’ brand would make them more ‘internationally marketable’. Changing their name in the Championship would just make them look a little bit pathetic...

Losing David de Gea won’t hurt a bit

A quick flick through the sports pages last week and you would be forgiven for believing that losing David de Gea could, in fact, spell the end of Manchester United.

Admittedly, the Spaniard is a great goalkeeper, one of the best in the world, in fact. And watching your Player of the Year join one of your European rivals would not be top of any club’s summer wish list. But if he does decide to follow his heart (and his girlfriend) to Madrid, rather than doom United to an eternity of failure I think it will actually have absolutely no effect on them whatsoever.

Part of this is because I believe the importance of goalkeepers is frequently overstated. It is undoubtedly true that good ones can win you games and bad ones will do the opposite. But the same could be said of pretty much any position on the field of play.

More than that, however, I feel United won’t be affected for the most obvious reason of all – they have a perfect replacement already in place. In fact, Victor Valdes is such a perfect fit, you wonder if him taking over the number one jersey next season might not have been the plan all along.

There have been many occasions when a team has seemed dead and buried only for them to be saved by a final twist

The former Barcelona keeper is not the sort of player who would have been happy to spend the rest of his career on the bench as back-up to De Gea. And Manchester United are not the sort of team to offer injured players the chance to rehabilitate with them just out of civic duty.

It might just be a happy coincidence that Valdes, a player of im­mense experience and pedigree, has recovered from injury just in time to fill De Gea’s still-warm gloves. More likely than mere good fortune, however, is the possibility that United saw the current situation coming. Maybe they even knew for certain that De Gea would be off this summer, so when the opportunity arose to sign an injured, but undoubtedly world-class goalkeeper, it became a no brainer.

But irrelevant of the back story, the simple fact remains that if Uni­ted do make Valdes their number one, the transition will be seamless. He has been with the club for the best part of a year, so he knows the manager, the rest of the team, the methods, the expectations and the size of the task ahead of him.

Far better to promote from within than bring in a new keeper who might take months or even a season to settle in and find his feet.

Of course, at 33, Valdes doesn’t have age on his side in the same way that 24-year-old De Gea does.

But you have to balance that out against his incredible experience: playing more than 500 games for Barcelona and winning more than 20 trophies in the process, including six La Liga titles and three Champions League crowns.

Goalkeepers are a unique breed and many of them don’t get to their peak until they reach their 30s.

When Edwin van der Sar arrived at Old Trafford in the twilight of his career there were a few raised eyebrows. But with the Dutch­man as their number one, United went on to win four titles, the Champions League, two League Cups and a handful of other trophies.

And he was 35 when he first pulled on a United shirt.

On that basis you could easily argue that Valdes has the best part of a decade left at the top of the game, certainly another four or five good seasons at the very least.

Ultimately I am sure United and Van Gaal would rather De Gea hung around at Old Trafford and made it his home for the next 15 years. And there is still a chance, albeit remote, that he may end up doing just that.

But if he does decide to go, it won’t be the disaster some are suggesting. There is even a chance, given that Valdes has been there and done it on the biggest stages, that United may be a stronger defensive unit next season.

Now watch them go out and buy a new number one and rip my entire argument to shreds…

sportscolumnist@timesofmalta.com
Twitter: @maltablade

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