In the matter of
The Great Unwashed
-v-
Our Great & Exalted Premier Joseph Muscat
Abbreviated Judgement of the Court delivered in the English Language on 16th May 2015.
The Court:
Having seen the writ of the Plaintiffs and the defence of the Defendant, having taken into consideration the documents and heard the submissions by learned counsel, for the Plaintiffs Dr I M Knott Beck, for the Defendant, Premier Muscat, Dr I S Witcher, finds
That the Defendant, Premier Joseph Muscat, having been admitted to the Roll of Prime Ministers of the Republic of Malta on the strength of a majority of votes that has not been seen in the Republic for many years, said majority having been achieved by dint of Defendant Premier Muscat's solemn and unwavering promises, listed hereunder
That the said promises reproduced in synthesis are that the environment shall be protected, that meritocracy shall be the watchword when appointing functionaries compensated from public funds, that excellence shall be sought in all fields but especially in education, public management and law and order
That in the fields aforestated by this Court, Defendant Premier Muscat has failed miserably and utterly for the reasons enlisted below, viz. and to wit:-
The environment has been subjected to horrors and abuses that had the said environment been a human being, charges of indecent assault bordering on violent rape would have been levelled: in defence of Premier Muscat it may be said that the chorus of disapproval that the Court notes would have bellowed out in High C and higher registers has been deafening in its absence, but this does not exonerate the Defendant in any way manner or form
Meritocracy and its adoption as the only parameter for choice of individuals to publicly funded office has been nothing but a joke and the only merit in most appointments is perceivable only in Premier Muscat's eyes in that the people appointed merit his thanks for their help in making him Premier Muscat or their silence in helping him remain Premier Muscat
Education has had inflicted on it the threat of a land-grab disguised as a "university" and this Court finds that there is a clear and present danger of cross-contamination of the value of the current degrees awarded by the University of Malta and consequently makes an interim order hereby that no faux university, even if supported by that academic luminary Silvio Parnis, should be given a green light by the accrediting body and holds the Chairman thereof personally liable
Insofar as concerns public management and law and order, the Court finds itself lost for words at the extent of stupidity and lack of common sense shown by the assorted twerps appointed by Defendant Premier Muscat
The Court therefore finds Defendant Premier Joseph Muscat guilty of having failed miserably to abide by the undertaking given to the nation on his election to High Office and condemns him to remaining a figure of humour and derision in the eyes of all who gaze upon him without stars in their eyes: to this end, Premier Muscat shall henceforth be known as the Frying Pan of Castille and this Court exempts from punishment all who adopt this appellation.