Nothing can quite prepare you for the adventure of motherhood. You spend nine months planning (and worrying) about the forthcoming event, ensuring that you have everything ready for the arrival of your little bundle of joy.

Oftentimes, however, you’re not the only one who is busy planning and definitely worrying – your own mother is also sharing your feelings. In fact, her emotions may be even more fervent than yours because not only is she thinking about her unborn grandchild, she’s also thinking about her own child who is about to embark on one of life’s most intense life-changing experiences and who is about to give her the title of grandmother.

I spoke to three Maltese grandmothers with different stories to share. Myriam Warrington lives in Malta, yet her five young grandchildren all live abroad; Therese Brewer lives in Qatar, while her baby granddaughter lives in Malta; Marisa Borg Olivier lives in Malta, as does her grandson.

Myriam has five grandchildren whose ages range from two to 11. Three of them live in the UK, while two live in Dubai. Due to the distance and the different countries, she gets to see her grandchildren once or twice a year. She explains that because of this scenario, her experience of being a mother to her five children compared to being a grandmother to her five grandchildren differs greatly.

“My case isn’t exactly what one would consider a normal one, because I don’t get to see the grandchildren regularly, apart from chatting on Skype. So, when they’re here in Malta, or when I’m visiting, it’s either total concentration for a few days or weeks, or nothing at all.”

Since Myriam has five grandchildren I asked whether her grandmothering-style changed between one grandchild and another.

“When the eldest grandchild was born, she was living at home with us until she was three years old. She was mostly taken care of by our daughter; however, I stopped working so that she could continue her studies at university and eventually work. This meant that I got to spend a lot of time with my grandchild when she was a baby. Once she started nursery school I didn’t take care of her as much as I used to, unless she was unwell, and eventually my daughter moved to the UK to be with her husband.

“Unfortunately, three of our other grandchildren (of our two eldest daughters) were born in the UK so our time with them as babies was infrequent. On the other hand, my youngest grandchild was born in Malta, as one of my daughters and her husband had moved back here for a while. It was great having them so close during that time and made seeing them a lot easier – they visited, we visited, we went out to eat together, had family meals at home and all the stuff that grandparents do with their married children and grandchildren. That only lasted a year though as they then moved to Dubai for work reasons.”

What, for her, is the best thing about being a grandmother?

“I’m more relaxed with them and I can enjoy them more because there isn’t that tension of always wondering if I’m doing things right. I also get to sleep at night and changing nappies is a privilege not a chore,” she smiles. “Plus, when I’m tired or when the children play up, they can go back to mummy and daddy.”

A mother’s love for her child is intensified when another child is brought into the world and the family fold

As a child, it’s easy to fall into the know-it-all, trap so I asked Myriam what she wished her daughters knew (more) about her role as a grandmother.

“How much I miss them and wish I could be a normal grandma; to see them more often, to be able to babysit and to spoil them a little without feeling guilty. I would like to be able to tell them about their families, their heritage and pass on important family values.”

And as an experienced grandmother, what advice does she have for other new grandparents or grandparents-to-be?

“It’s a beautiful time in your life. Allow the new parents a lot of time to themselves, and don’t be over-enthusiastic to help unless they ask, but at the same time, be available. Let them take decisions and let them make mistakes. Give advice when asked, yet expect them to raise their children differently from you. You might see yourself in them and humbly recognise some of the mistakes that you made while raising your own, realising that you’d do things differently now. Be a role model and give them good examples and values.”

And what about the new parents-to-be?

“Try to relax and enjoy the children. Take them out, play with them and don’t fuss too much. Know that your parents wish you well and remember that they are probably wiser now and the advice that they give you might actually be good advice! Also remember that they aren’t as young as they used to be when they raised you, so they might not have as much energy as you have for your children. It is important that you and your husband discuss how you’d both like to raise your children and although it’s important to not let either your or his parents interfere, always respect them and, when necessary, take their advice.”

“Another thing that I feel very strongly about is the unfair obligation placed upon grandparents who are expected to take care of their children’s children while they both go out to work, unless it is absolutely necessary. Grandparents are no spring chickens; besides, children need both their parents and when they are practically brought up by the grandparents before the age of 10, these kids will have problems dealing with the authority of their parents in later years. It is better to have a small, affordable place and happy children, rather than lots of money, or loans and burnt out parents who can’t enjoy their family. I speak from experience and can say that God does provide and things will get better financially as time goes by; however, it takes lots of wisdom and patience, and lots of love.”

Therese Brewer lives in Qatar and has a 10-month-old baby granddaughter. She explained to me that she is lucky enough to return to Malta and visit her family at least four times a year for no less than three weeks each time, sometimes staying up to seven weeks.

How does being a grandmother differ from being a mother?

“I was always very proud to be a mother and now I am even prouder to be a grandmother to a beautiful girl who has revived all my motherly instincts.”

“Now that my daughter is a mother herself, she can better understand what my love for her as a mother means. She knows what my role as a grandma is because she always believed that I have been both a mother and a father to both her and her sister, since their biological father died when she was at the tender age of four and her sister just eight-years-old. She also knows she can rely on me for advice and support even when I am so far away.”

What is her advice for new grandparents and parents?

“I would advise new grandparents to help and advice their children because they will need the support, but to not interfere with how they want to bring up their children. Meanwhile, to new parents I would say that, while it’s good to learn from the professionals as to how to take care of your kids and help them to grow up healthy and secure, always remember that grandparents can help with their own experiences and more so with their love. Material things will never take the place of a loving home and family and children should not be spoilt with materialism.”

Marisa Borg Olivier is another grandmother; however, in her case, her 15-month-old grandson lives just a three-minute walk away from her. She describes her experience of becoming a grandmother as one that renewed her love for life.

“Just when I thought that I was too old to fall in love, I became a grandmother. When my daughter told me that she was pregnant, I was absolutely thrilled, excited and nervous. Would I remember how to hold a baby or change a nappy?

“It is such a wonderful and gratifying feeling being a grandmother. Did becoming a nanna make me feel old? On the contrary, it is the best excuse to be a kid again. Yes, I do spoil him , mostly with hugs and kisses but that is my job description as a grandmother. My attitude has changed from ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’ to ‘spending it like it does’. I feel that I am privileged and incredibly fortunate to have a grandson. He has changed my life completely as I see him practically every day and this means that I now have a new role and new responsibilities, and I cherish every moment.”

Ultimately, every grandmother is also a mother and it seems that a mother’s love for her child is intensified when another child is brought into the world and the family fold.

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