As children grow up and excitedly run to pastures new, their parents are sometimes left behind suffering from empty nest syndrome. Jo Caruana chats to one mum who’s experienced it.

Parents all know that day will come – the day when their child is old enough, and independent enough, to fly the nest. But that knowledge doesn’t necessarily make the experience any easier.

For most parents, their child’s departure from the family home is a dreaded occasion, and one that is put off for as long as possible. And, when it does finally happen, empty nest syndrome can strike, leaving parents feeling alone and confused without their traditional roles to play.

“Empty nest syndrome can have very upsetting consequences,” says psychotherapist Malcom Tortell, who has worked with people facing this unwanted new phase in their lives. “Parents can quickly become depressed and demotivated and find it hard to get on. It brings on a sense of meaninglessness that’s hard to get over.”

One person who knows that feeling only too well is mum-of-one Anna Fenech. She describes empty nest syndrome as a lovely big balloon that suddenly pops. “It’s amazing how a child fills your home, your heart and your life,” she says. “And how sorrowful you feel when they’re gone.

As parents, Anne and her husband did everything they could to equip their only daughter with the skills for her to live an independent life – but they still found it very hard when she spread her wings and chose to travel overseas to further her studies.

“I missed her so much!” she tells me. “I missed our Saturday mornings in Sliema, our chats and our time together… I even found myself missing our arguments and her messy room.”

Anne says that, while she really struggled with her daughter moving out, her husband was less outwardly emotional about it and viewed it as the next logical step for their family. Early on, they both tried to focus on the fact that they could spend more time together and go out more. But, somehow, they retained their usual routine.

She stresses the importance of giving yourself time to adjust, and of looking on the positive side of things

“I totally immersed myself in my work and played tennis as often as possible,” continues Anne. “In the early days I dreaded returning home to the emptiness, the silence and the full fridge.

“Everything felt different – from the shorter shopping lists to the fact there were no dirty plates in the kitchen sink. Suddenly I wasn’t sewing on a button last minute because she absolutely had to wear that dress. I just felt an incredible emptiness.”

Anne says that the first few weeks after her daughter’s move were particularly hard. She constantly cried her heart out and even got insomnia. However those around her simply laughed it off as she was normally a happy and positive person. “Inside, though, it felt like the end of the world,” she says.

Looking back, Anne says she found the strength to keep going thanks to her daughter’s regular trips back every few weeks or so, as that gave her something to focus on. She also found video chats to be very helpful.

“Although she was – and still is – my baby, I knew my daughter would never return home after her time away, in fact she still lives abroad now. Within a couple of years she announced her marriage and, more recently, we celebrated the births of our two grandchildren. All these events have helped.”

Six years on from the day her daughter first moved out Anne feels she has adjusted to her new role. Although she still misses her daughter and her presence at home, she says she is in seventh heaven whenever she visits.

Anne’s advice to other parents experiencing empty nest syndrome is to keep as busy as possible. She stresses the importance of giving yourself time to adjust, and of looking on the positive side of things.

“Yes, there is a very positive side,” she stresses, “the fact that your child is standing on his or her own two feet and happy on their chosen path.

“Today I look at our daughter and say: if we did everything wrong in our life, we certainly did the right thing in raising her to become the woman she is. We are ever so proud of her!”

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