With life in the fast lane being de rigeur for most mothers (and parents in general) these days, it is little wonder that stress is on the increase. There’s the job, the children, the housework, the hubby... each area of life comes with its own demands and pressures. And, of course, ignoring any of them is out of the question.

So what’s a mother to do when the stress piles up and thinking clearly and calmly becomes almost impossible? And what is it with human beings constantly trying to fight stress? Has life really become more stressful than, say, 20 or 30 years ago? And is being stressed normal?

I caught up with psychotherapist Julianne Grima to discuss the tribulations of modern day life and how a mother may best to deal with them.

Is life really more stressful than it was 20 or 30 years ago?

Many people romanticise their childhoods and demonise technology. The truth of the matter is that life has always been and will always remain until the end of time potentially stressful. Think about it, what might often be construed as the general source of stress? Relationships, children, work, money, pressure?

The picture may have changed but the story remains the same: people in general, and mothers specifically, still struggle to find a healthy balance in life. Mothers still make commitments outside of their financial bracket. Mothers still take on more than they can chew. And all of that can be and is stressful.

What would you say are the biggest contributors to stress?

First of all, how do you recognise feeling stressed? Simply put, stress is the same adrenalin rush you get from excitement but accompanied by negative thoughts. Very often, psychological or emotional stress is accompanied by physical symptoms too, for instance problems with bowel movements (too much or too little); chest pains, including palpitations; and overall aches and pains, just to mention a few.

People who do not live in a cocoon will be stressed. That being said, even people who do live in a cocoon might feel stressed. Stress is all about perception and perception is subjective. Triggers that might stress me will most definitely not have the same effect on every single person I know. Not everyone who gets stuck in traffic experiences road rage – why is that? Possibly because some people do not perceive being late as life threatening. Some people get their calls done, some people chillax to some great music – point is, same trigger, different experience.

People in general, and mothers specifically, still struggle to find a healthy balance in life

What advice would you give mothers trying to lead a less stressful life? Do things like yoga, etc., really work?

When we do become aware that our stress levels have been high for a while, it is recommended that we take a moment to evaluate how to rectify the situations that perpetually trigger our stress levels to skyrocket. Some situations are easy to fix (drive a longer route to avoid traffic, take some time off work to re-energise), other situations, however, are not.

When stress levels are high for a longer period of time, what needs to be addressed is the trigger and/or our behaviour. If the trigger is (as we experience it) unavoidable, then what we can do is change our own behaviour. If I’m a single mother who lives with her parents because I think I have no financial alternative and I don’t particularly get along with them, I might consider taking up yoga, kick boxing or psychotherapy – depending on the need – in order to express my frustration and relieve my stress. That said, what people do not seem to realise is that we always have a choice, and that all choices involve gains and losses. What I could do is solve the problem long-term by taking up a part-time job and working my way into my own apartment.

How important is it to see a psychologist if you’re feeling over stressed?

I am forever in awe of the people who walk into my clinic. I am blessed with being trusted by people of different ages, strengths and weaknesses – most of whom are above average in wit or intellect (well, at least that’s my experience of them) and capable of great sacrifice and care for others. One thing that will forever floor me is how little people attend to their own needs. Many people who walk through my doors need help primarily because, although they struggle with emotional and physical symptoms of stress, their main inability is bringing themselves into the equation; saying ‘no’ when necessary and ‘yes’ to themselves.

When do you seek the support of a psychotherapist? Well, Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviour and expecting a different outcome. If you feel that changing the context that triggers your stress levels to spike is impossible and you are unable to adjust your attitudes and behaviours; and if your physical symptoms are increasing and you feel yourself unable to concentrate and spiralling, I would say it’s a good day to set an appointment.

Then again, do you really want to get yourself into that state? Sometimes prevention is really better than cure.