Maybe it is because of the shame involved that violence against women is such an under-reported phenomenon. Perhaps, the tendency to blame oneself instead of one’s partner when one is the butt of physical or mental abuse may explain why domestic crime is hidden and unexposed to public scrutiny, to join other pestilential mores that afflict our community.
It has been stated that one in three women has suffered domestic violence, and this is likely to be an understatement.
It causes incalculable damage to the family, to the woman herself and particularly the children who get exposed to such a convulsive domestic atmosphere.
What leads to such a breakdown in relationships? At a recent public airing of this topic, where ‘clients’ as well as experts were represented, several answers were postulated to explain this common phenomenon which apparently is increasing in prevalence.
Firstly, there seems to be a background culture of machismo, hemanship, even paternalism that consider men as superior beings and women as submissive and second rate. If you think this is preposterous, just look at the gender differential in salary and try to explain why, invariably, world-wide, women are paid about two-thirds of a man’s salary.
More insidiously, and related to the above, issues relate to the vibrations one gets when men discuss women: quite common is the underlying premise that women (and not just blondes), when not being adored, are to be pitied. Within most societies, there seems to be an element of what might be called ‘entrenched misogyny’.
It is likely that certain types of men are more prone to indulge in such deplorable behaviour. Dominating men, alpha men, may be at a greater risk of suffering from a syndrome which might be called ‘toxic masculinity’, resulting in a need to express oneself in acts of violence.
There are also social factors that encourage the use of violence. In particular, there is no doubt that drugs and alcohol are frequently associated with domestic violence.
It might be said also that men’s expectations of women’s behaviour and performance might precipitate a deterioration in relationships. Many men expect their wives to be super companions, super mothers, super cooks, as well as super sex objects – a concept encouraged through the now widespread voyeurism and pornographic viewing. Even some best-selling books (and films based on them), encouraging bondage and other debasing practices, are now being considered acceptable. No wonder expectations far outstrip achievement!
One must not forget that psychological violence can be just as disabling as physical violence. This can express itself either as verbal attacks, including screaming and use of foul language, or on the other hand, and just as effective and demoralising, it can take the form of the ‘silent treatment’, when communication between the parties is all but eliminated.
It has been stated that one in three women has suffered domestic violence
What can be done to overcome this problem? There is no doubt that the first concern is to ensure the safety of women and children involved in such families. Yes, children also are at a considerable risk. Several instances have been reported where violent men have been known to murder their children in an effort to get at the mother.
There must be adequate provision of social services capable of dealing with these emergencies. In particular, there is a need for special training of the police force to ensure an empathic and effective intervention when called upon to do so.
Provision of psychological advice to the male perpetrator of violence seems to be the only way one can help get to the bottom of the problem. Frequently, psychological issues are the root problem, and these must be exposed and dealt with.
Techniques exist to help those who cannot control their anger, or who have such a low self-esteem that they need to be constantly seeking proof of their masculinity through physical violence. One must add that, although women are by far those who suffer most frequently from domestic violence, men can also be the victims. The underlying reasons here are different from those affecting women, but the outcome is no less disastrous.
It is a societal obligation to ensure that we are aware of these problems and not be encouraged to hide them from public view because of the regrettable idea that domestic problems should stay at home.
This is a failure affecting society as a whole. Public discussions on radio and television to involve both the injured, the perpetrator, as well as the expert, might help to shed a beam of much-needed light into this dark corner of societal breakdown.