Anger in itself is neither good nor bad. It is a tool that helps us to read and respond to upsetting social situations. Gestalt psychotherapist Ray Micallef points out to Simonne Pace it’s how you use this tool that matters.

The Mental Health Foundation’s 2008 Boiling Point Report, which is based on research carried out in the UK, suggests that 45 per cent of UK adults regularly lose their temper at work, more than 28 per cent worry about how they sometimes feel and more than 80 per cent of UK drivers have been involved in road rage incidents. Furthermore, 64 per cent either strongly agree or agree that people in general are getting angrier.

The reason for this?

Some researchers suggest that it may be related to the highly stimulating environments that have become part and parcel of modern life: technology, noise, crowds, alcohol.

“While these alone do not instinctively generate anger, they generate physical arousal which, when coupled with a psychological provocation, can create the feeling of anger,” says Ray Micallef, an experienced Gestalt psychotherapist who deals with issues of anger and conducts anger management sessions.

Anger is a normal, generally healthy emotion we all feel at some point in our lives. It can be triggered by a number of situations: someone jumping a queue; feeling that we’ve been wrongly accused; clearing up someone else’s mess; or bad service at a restaurant.

Each of us has a different set of emotions that trigger off anger. Something that makes one’s blood boil might not even be noticed by another individual.

“What triggers our anger may be influenced by the experiences we’ve had. However, how we choose to respond to a situation that makes us angry is something we learn to control,” Micallef explains.

In order to control anger, we need to understand this emotion. What happens when we get angry? What is happening within our body? Is our heart racing? Is our breathing becoming more rapid?

We also need to be aware of how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking and how we are reacting as a result of our anger.

In some cases, people actually admit that their angry outbursts came from nowhere. “I just lost it.” “It was all a blur.” “I only realised what I had done after I did it.”

On the other hand, others come to accept aggression as part of their make-up and blame others for triggering off these outbursts in them.

“This is when anger can land us in trouble. Understanding how we react to anger can help us manage a hostile and potentially violent situation,” Micallef points out.

Is anger a part of our personality? Anger, like other core emotions, is something we are born with, but how we use it is something we learn. As early as four to six months of age, anger expressions start to increase in intensity and frequency as a result of both cognitive and motor development.

It is a myth that lack of anger management is inherited

Micallef says this rise in anger is adaptive, since children use this emotion to defend themselves or to overcome obstacles in a bid for survival. Though we all experience anger, some people tend to respond more rapidly and intensely to aversive stimuli such as bad smells, heat and annoying noises. Genetics plays an important role here.

On the other hand, physical expressions of anger such as sulking, breaking objects and hitting a wall are learned through positive reinforcement and/or by copying others. Negative past experiences, such as witnessing domestic violence, may influence how an individual expresses anger, particularly in cases where anger is seen as an appropriate strategy for conflict resolution.

“It is therefore a myth that lack of anger management is inherited,” Micallef stresses.

So, what triggers anger and violent behaviour? Anger has often been defined in terms of our expectations and assumptions about the world. It almost always happens when we’re caught up expecting the world to be different than it is.

In fact, anger usually comes about in response to the unwanted actions of another person perceived as being disrespectful, demeaning, threatening or neglectful.

Micallef says there is no large-scale local research on anger and how this is experienced and expressed by the Maltese people. However, from his clinical work, he has witnessed that “people who find it difficult to control their anger come from all walks of life; anger can be an issue experienced during childhood and adolescence, all the way through to adulthood; and men are more likely to report having anger issues than women, but the number of women who are finding it difficult to manage their anger is on the increase. Culturally, we also have a tendency to be more accepting of anger in men than in women”.

One way to reduce anger levels is through relaxation training – a set of techniques that have been found effective. These range from simple exercises like deep breathing to more elaborate ones like guided imagery.

“When we are stressed, the nervous system is energised, and in this agitated state we are more likely to have trouble returning to lower levels of anger,” Micallef explains.

“When we are agitated, additional anger-provoking situations are likely to cause a further escalation of anger. Because it is physically impossible to feel agitated and relaxed at the same time, if we can relax successfully, we can counteract the stress or anger response.”

We first need to learn to understand our anger and then monitor it. This will help us become more aware of the effects of our anger on ourselves and on our environment. Being aware helps us understand that we are making a choice, which gives us the power to change if we really want to.

Another major skill is assertiveness, which is communicating clearly and directly in a respectful way.

Finally, taking responsibility for our actions is a crucial part of learning how to manage our anger.

Useful advice

1. Remove yourself from the situation as soon as you feel anger is rising. Tell the other person you are taking a timeout.

2. Once you go out, calm yourself down through deep breathing.

3. Tell yourself that you can handle the situation once you are calm and relaxed (deep breathing will help). You can also go for a brisk walk or a run.

4. Once calm, go back over what made you angry in your mind. This could have been a small irritation that led to an outburst.

5. Learn about the smaller signals that can build to anger, like irritation or frustration, and start to notice these. Check your environment and your body for irritants, like chronic pain or a generally uncomfortable surrounding, or people, behaviours that irritate you.

6. Once you understand what got you angry, if it is another person, try to express what you need, first to yourself, then to them in a respectful, non-blaming way. If the other person isn’t ready, don’t pursue.

7. Keep a diary of your anger, preferably on a daily basis. Get to know your anger.

8. Learn relaxation techniques.

9. Learn assertiveness techniques.

10. Seek professional advice, especially if you feel your anger is longstanding and a part of your personality or make-up. At times, long-term psychotherapy may be the most appropriate treatment to deal with the underlying triggers.

Ray Micallef will be conducting anger management group sessions this month, spread over seven weeks, at the Bloom Psychology Clinic in Msida. For more information, e-mail info@bloomclinic.com.mt.