Full disclosure: I don’t really commemorate Valentine’s Day in any way. I have been in a committed relationship for the better part of this millennium and, perhaps because we are a high-functioning couple, my significant other doesn’t care much for the supposed holiday either.

Which is not to say we can’t be romantic, or use the trumped up imposed amorousness of the season to generate a memorable evening. But for the most part, I will lump my lot in with the conspiracy theorists who suggest it’s a holiday invented by greeting card and chocolate manufacturers. I would also posit there is a secret cabal of florists, probably dubbed the Brotherhood of the Red Petal or the Reverent Order of the Dozen. Rosey-crucians perhaps? I best stop the punning before it turns into a thorny issue.

I’m in my late 30s and I still play hide-and-seek

Still, it takes two to take a holiday so I’ll part with some wisdom. Step the first – do not book a restaurant. If you’re looking to have a nice romantic evening out, why do it on the day when the waiters will be rushed off their feet and the kitchen prefers you stick to a set menu? I tend to skip the day and either go for a nice meal before or after. There is nothing to stop you from donning something sharp and trying out something a little fancy. Or else, skip the usual haunts and take the opportunity to visit a new eatery some place different – use the event to break a habit and taste something you wouldn’t normally give the chance.

Another variant on the theme (particularly for you, whose relationship has passed the decade mark) is to revisit a place you had eaten at in the early days of the dating period. This can be silly fun if you end up at a beachside burger bar, munching chips drowning in vinegar while it rains outside... the memories and stories from the early days will just pour out. Stage the perfect selfie and plaster it on social media. This is the sort of rubbish that will get a ton of likes and make you an enviable couple (“Ara xi ħlew! How romantic”).

That being said, my partner and I are very hassle-averse. Unlike the bulk of the Christian holidays, Valentine’s doesn’t necessarily fall on a weekend. Coming home after work and getting all geared up to go out on a Tuesday night just seems so… unnecessary.

Early in the day, book a takeout from somewhere nice – sushi, Indian, Chinese – actually anything that doesn’t really require you to use more than one item of cutlery. Pick up said food (deliveries will be busy) and sit down to a movie and munch away. The movie selection is key – you want a good all-rounder that won’t upset you while you eat or something too plain and safe that you may as well be channel surfing on TV. I feel you can’t go wrong with a Miyazaki movie like say, Spirited Away. It has the foundations that appeal to everyone, a family friendly animation with the storytelling sensibility of the Far East.

If the holiday falls on a weekend, you should know the restaurant rule will apply – everywhere that fits the cliché will be packed and bothersome. Skip the cafés and try something different. Grab a camera and explore a village. Go to a museum and find something about the exhibit to talk about – it doesn’t have to be an intellectual chat – a bitch-fest on the ugliness of the mannequins will do. Climb a tree. I’m in my late 30s and I still play hide-and-seek, most recently late in the night at the Upper Barrakka gardens.

Gifts. Now this can be delicate. I know many people who feel obligated to buy expensive jewellery for the day and I’m sure you’ve intimated by now that I don’t really fall into that camp. I don’t think you should need a specific calendar date that everyone has marked to get a fancy gift for your significant other. I think dropping off something nice at your partner’s place of work on a random day is a far nicer gesture.

Roses are so unimaginative – if you really must do flowers, ask for suggestions at the florist for something else, or skip them altogether. I’d say the same about chocolate but, let’s face it, chocolate will never be rejected. Instead mix it up a bit and try find something unusual, there are a few select outlets that sell exotic chocolates or bags with custom flavours.

After all is said and done, you may be single. Maybe you can provide the best Valentine’s Day gift of all and treat your friends to some free babysitting while they have a night to catch up on some silence. It’s a gesture that only someone romantic at heart would do and one that will surely be remembered.

You don’t have to be in love to demonstrate love.