News of the recent re-employment of several retired police officers (some in their 70s... no less) and their re-absorption into the ranks of our denizens of law and order, has given rise to a certain amount of controversy... not to say hilarity... not to say contempt.
Will the much-maligned force benefit from this strange supplementation?
Is this really such a good way of keeping sweet a section of our left-leaning population?
Are these geriatric ex-cops still up to the job?
Would there have been a better way to ensure that our streets are crime free?
Was that poor old gent in an ill-fitting police uniform, found wandering aimlessly and dribbling copiously in Ħamrun last week really former Sergeant Gaetano Sant Musu, the once fearsome driver/bodyguard of several 1970-80s ministers?
We decided to find out. So, armed only with a notebook a biro and a can of pepper spray, Sylvanus set out to accompany – at a safe and discreet distance – one such comeback cop as he set about the task of once more ridding the Maltese islands of crime and corruption.
Read on:
A day in the life of me – recently reinstated police constable Leli Bonaventuro Borg:
9.00am: Helped out of bed by solicitous carer.
9.10: Reminded who I am and what day it is.
9.15: Have false teeth inserted into mouth by carer.
9.20: Helped to bathroom and assisted with pyjama cord before performing first obligatory task of the day.
9.35: Washed and shaved by carer.
9.50: Breakfast of well-soaked All Bran and Complan.
10.25: After breakfast, visit WC.
10.35: Helped to put in hearing aid and to take my 16 different morning pills.
10.55: Helped to dress in my old – but severely modified – uniform by carer.
11.05: Visit WC.
With energetic stalwarts like that back in harness, the streets of Malta should be safe and secure well into the future
11.20: Placed gently into front passenger seat of police car – and driven two blocks to police station.
11.25: Helped out of car, onto zimmer and into police station, where I am assisted to change into dry pair of incontinence briefettes.
11.30: Reminded who I am and what I’m doing back ‘working’ in a Maltese police station at the venerable age of 77.
11.42: Visit WC.
11.55: Woken up and helped off WC.
Noon plus 15 minutes: Helped off zimmer and onto mobility scooter.
12.35pm: Patrol village on mobility scooter.
12.38: Rescued from slight collision with delivery van by passing police patrol car.
12.55: Return to police station and reminded who I am.
12.58: Take lunchtime anti-dementia pills. (A bit late for that, but still, hey!)
1.00: Visit WC.
1.10p.m: Lunch of strained veg and Complan.
1.35: Visit WC.
1.55: Woken up and helped off WC... again.
2.00: Take after-lunch nap in station’s cell.
5.10: Given assistance to change into yet another dry pair of incontinence briefettes.
5.25: Visit WC.
5.40: Helped into police patrol car and driven slowly home.
5.55: Helped out of police car and into my house.
6.05: Visit WC.
6.30: Reminded who I am by wife.
7.05: Supper of strained pizza and Complan.
7.40: Visit WC.
8.05: Helped to undress and put on pyjamas by wife.
8.15: Take evening cocktail of pills.
8.20: Helped into bed by wife and carer.
8.30: Recite a prayer of gratitude to ex-minister Manuel... er Manuel...? It was on the tip of my tongue... well, him anyway.
8.35: Sleep.
And so another hectic day on the job and on patrol ends for reinstated police sergeant Leli Bonaventuro Borg.
With energetic stalwarts like that back in harness, the streets of Malta should be safe and secure well into the future... although, in Leli’s case, the not too distant future.