The scene is Kurt Farrugia's front room, November 19  in the evening, where he is engaged in a spot of domestic down-time after a hard day at the coal-face of coordinating the Prime Minister's communications and overseeing the endless self-praise and puffery that flows constantly out of the subordinate Ministries. 

His state-of-the-art mobile is plugged in, having had its battery exhausted at least twice over the day due to the constant battle to keep Ministers' CommCords from blowing their bosses trumpet every time he or she has a MEPA permit to argue about or a stupid joke to justify.

It vibrates gently. 

His phone, of course.

[Kurt thinks: Who the ***** is this now, don't they know I'm almost a civil servant?]

He answers.

KF: "Hallow, who's that, you know what time it is?"

Voice: "Ray Zammit, Kurrrtt, at the Depot.  We have a problem, and it goes to the top."

[Kurt thinks: Oh flippin'  'ell, and Joseph said not to bother him this evening}

KF: "OK, tell me, I'm the man who takes the decisions around here"

RZ: "You for sure, Kurrtt, not better you speak to him?"

KF: "Thetts for me to decide, I work at OPM, you work for it, understand?"

[Kurt thinks: Now I see, this time maybe better I not bother Joseph, but then I get it if it goes bad]

RZ tells him what's going down at the Depot, how Minister Mallia's driver had tried to turn Gzira and environs into Dodge City and what the hack should we do now?

[Kurt thinks: Flippin' 'ell, how is Mallia going to get out of this and how is it going to affect Joseph?]

KF: "Tell me the feckts come on what the ***** did that *****ing fool do now?  Bloody ****ing hell is that Manwel Mallia panicking near you?"

RZ: "Yes, Kurrtt, Manwel is near me, he's worried about his kids, he's not seeing the ground, I keep telling him what happened but he keeps putting his hands over his ears and saying "nanananananaa"

KF: "Owkay, tell him to shut up and get your people to make sure the scene is good, before some idiot with a camera gets there.  Then call me to give me more details."

[Kurt thinks: Gotta phone the boss, gotta phone the boss, can't do this on my own, but he kill me if I give him this ****ing bomb]

Dials the super-secret number that only OPM top people have, and after ten rings it is answered.

Voice: "Whaatt, it's 9:30 and I told you all not to call me.  This is family time with Maxell and the kids."

KF: "I know, sir, but this one is big, it might involve Mallia and I don't want to carry it alone."

Voice: "Eh, no, you don't, what do I pay you for, to hold my jacket and make the tea?  Remember that "West Wing" episode the American made us watch, when they told nothing to the President so he could say he knew nothing?"

[KF thinks: Well, the amount you pay me I might as well be the butler]

KF: "Yes but, not but, yes but...."

Voice: "Stop trying to drag me into this, sort it out you and if you mess it up, with your head it turns, understand?"

KF: "Yes, I phone you later to tell you what happened, but ... love to Maxell"

Voice: "OK, but remember, the buck stops with you."

Kurt's phone vibrates again, it's Zammit, who gives him all the lurid details as he knows them, having spoken to everyone under the sun and mumbles something about warning shots.

KF: "Then now we have to say that it was nothing really, just warning shots in the air, I'll tell a few MPs to make comments like it had happened when the others were in power, no-one will be really interested anyway, we won by 36,000 after all."

RZ: "Kurrtt, are you alright in the head, my friend?  Warning shots in the air don't change direction and land in the back of a car, my forensics people told me."

KF: "Look, Ray, you do your side, let me do mine. If we repeat it often enough, everyone will believe it, for sure, look what happened in the elections. And anyway, I wasn't there, I can't be expected to know what actually happened and no-one died"

RZ: "Owkay, Kurrtt, but remember, all calls are ...." KF presses the hang-up button.

[KF thinks: OK, a quick call to Joseph and then a quick presser to DOI]

Dials the super-secret number again.

Voice: "Whaaaattt?  You better tell me you sorted it out, because if no, I remove your head my friend"

KF: "OK, boss, I spoke to Zammit, he was with Mallia, and we are going to calm it down, no problem.  The media won't question it, they never do, we will come out of it safe."

Voice (interrupting KF, who keeps speaking): "In your hands, I don't want to know.  Remember, the important thing is that I am OK and that Mallia is OK, you know the way it is."

KF (speaking softly over Voice's continuing monologue): "Yes boss, it's not his fault that his driver shot warning shots into the air, sort of."

Voice (goes on, getting louder and more high pitched): "I keep telling them to be careful who they have around them, but they don't listen.  Anyway, as long as you are OK with the statement, I'm OK with it, it's your responsibility.  You're sure that the story you're telling matches what they're telling you from the Depot, ay?"

KF (continuing to speak softly over the monologue) : "and if there are any minor discrepancies over where the bullets finished up, we can say it was all confused at the time and we better have an enquiry to see who to blame."

Voice (shouting now) : "I don't want to know the details, I don't even know what time it is, I am the Prime Minister not some flipping official, you do your job I do mine, it's enough I have to keep trying to change that speech I make about passports every time I have to try to boost sales, you'd think I have nothing better to do with my time"

KF (trying to get a word in edgeways) : "OK, boss, we're agreed then, good night, love to Maxell".

Voice: (going on, and on, and on) "... and I have to prepare to meet Cameron again and then I have to see about getting Maxell securities to go shopping and ....

KF ends call and calls the Duty Officer at the DOI.

(* again, this is imagined, I don't have access to the transcripts.  Expletives are deleted, I'm not Evarist Bartolo. Translation is loose)