An English newspaper is currently running a campaign aimed at pushing the authorities into stamping out niggling fouls and other general naughtiness in the penalty area.

The Daily Mail’s ‘Hands off in the Box’ campaign is naming and shaming the defenders who get up to off-the-ball shenanigans, along with the referees who fail to punish them.

To a certain extent I agree it is frustrating that some defenders get away with illegal acts in the penalty area, some of which border on assault.

Only last week a Sheffield United player was on the receiving end of an incredible penalty box attack. The slightly built Stefan Scougal was picked up by a hulk of a defender who lifted him off the floor, swivelled round and tossed him to the ground like an empty beer can.

It was more like a scene from a dodgy American wrestling match than a game of football. And remarkably, the referee let it go. Or didn’t see it. Or just found it funny.

However, we have to be careful here because there is a very definite danger that if this campaign takes hold, it could end up being another step towards the total sanitisation of football.

As far as I know, we are still talking about a contact sport here, and a certain amount of jostling for position, cheeky grappling and gentle shoving is not just acceptable but actually what makes goalmouth action exciting.

Can you imagine how boring and predictable corners and free-kicks would be if all the players were not allowed to have any physical contact with their opponents whatsoever? It would be like watching synchronised swimming without the nose plugs.

Part of being a footballer is having the ability to wriggle away from the man who is marking you during set pieces. Escaping from their clutches and bursting into clear space is an art form in itself.

As I said, I don’t condone players who wrestle others to the ground or try to rip the shirts off the back of their opponents.

But as unpalatable as that may be, it is still better than the alternative, which would see football become a sport where merely looking at an opponent in the wrong way is classed as an act worthy of a penalty.

Considering how some defenders glare at him, Mario Balotelli would be winning six spot kicks a week…

Acid test for LVG

Today could be the day we finally find out whether the Louis Van Gaal revolution is real or still a figment of Old Trafford’s collective imagination.

Manchester United, in all fairness to the Dutchman, showed signs things are starting to improve last week when they snatched a draw against Chelsea in what had been a reasonably evenly matched game.

It wasn’t a vintage United performance by any stretch of the imagination. However, the fact that they weren’t steamrollered by a normally ruthless team is a definite sign of encouragement. As was the timing of their equaliser, which showed Fergie-time could be making a return.

But today’s game away to Manchester City is going to be a much more significant test, with the red half of the city supposedly on the up and the blue half going through a bit of a wobble.

That should make it more evenly matched than it might have been a few months ago, and United, while still probably the underdogs, will know this is a game their revamped, attack-heavy team should be able to win.

A resounding victory for the hosts, however, and you would have to wonder exactly what LVG has been up to for the past few months. In this day and age, managers can go into a club and turn it round in weeks, even quicker when they have tens of millions to spend on new players.

You never know, after 25 years of abstinence, maybe United’s hierarchy will have developed a taste for managerial change…

Right to exclude Luis

Some people have actually reacted with surprise to the fact that Luis Suarez didn’t make it on to the 23-man shortlist for this year’s Ballon d’Or award.

I can only assume these people either have medium-term memory issues or were asleep for most of the summer.

Suarez’s form last season for Liverpool was scintillating and his 31 goals undoubtedly helped the club come within a whisker of winning their first league title in decades.

However, there is also the small matter of him sinking his teeth into an opponent during the World Cup which, I am reasonably sure, is not one of the key attributes Fifa look for when drawing up their list of the best players in the world.

In fact, I think if world football’s governing body had included him in the list, then the media would have been in up in arms accusing the organisation of hypocrisy on a grand scale.

If the striker has a good season for Barcelona, scores a bagful of goals and keeps his mouth shut for a year, then maybe, just maybe, he will deserve some global recognition.

Jostling for position, cheeky grappling and gentle shoving is not just acceptable but actually what makes goalmouth action exciting

But not yet.

The lame blame game

What’s the first sign that a manager is cracking under the pressure? When he starts coming out with excuses so ridiculous they make you choke on your cornflakes.

Tottenham Hotspur boss Mauricio Pochettino, in trying to explain why his team have lost three of their five home games this season, blamed the size of the White Hart Lane pitch.

It is, he said, too narrow, which allows teams to sit back. His style of play requires a bigger expanse of grass.

Unfortunately for him, his argument doesn’t hold a lot of water, primarily because Spurs have been even worse on their travels than they have at home. And those games have, obviously, been played on pitches of varying sizes.

More than that, however, Pochettino’s excuse smells of desperation because surely it is a manager’s job to work with the tools he has at his disposal. If the current White Hart Lane pitch is too small for his style of play, then adjust the style of play to fit the pitch.

Complaining about the pitch is like complaining you don’t have Lionel Messi up front – it may well be a fact, but if he isn’t one of the tools you have to work with then there’s no point in blaming his absence for your failures.

Funnily enough, I don’t remember Harry Redknapp complaining about the size of the pitch when he was in charge at Spurs and regularly leading them to European football.

Must have shrunk since then I guess…

sportscolumnist@timesofmalta.com
Twitter: @maltablade