I’d like to fantasise a little this week and look ahead to May 2015 and the aftermath of next year’s Eurovision Song Contest. After the unlikely triumph of the bearded transvestite Conchita Wurst, the contest was held in her home country Austria.

And... at long last, little Malta wins the damn thing.... pheeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

But it’s not the winning per se, but the identity of the winners that is causing all the media furore. Yes, you guessed it... where Chiara, Ira and all the rest of them came up short... it was left to half-a-dozen Ursuline nuns to scoop the prize. Nuns who perform under the appropriate stage name: Sisters Act.

Over the years there have been quite a few – shall we say – bizarre – winners of this Euro-wide kitsch-fest. As well as a tranny with facial hair, we’ve had an actual transsexual from Israel, a group of masked ghouls from the Ukraine and Cliff Richard... ahem.

So now we’ve got nuns! And Maltese nuns at that. And why not, say I, they are obviously not doing it for fame and fortune – although that is precisely what they are going to be lumbered with... big time.

The dubious kudos of winning Eurovision will be as nothing compared to the spin-offs that will ensue. And even if their vows of poverty, chastity and whatever else they’ve pledged to do, or not to do... should preclude them from going on a mega spend-fest, their coffers, or those of their order, are soon going to be overflowing with oodles and oodles of cash.

This has, not surprisingly, given rise to speculation as to what they, or their superiors, are going to do with it all. And early rumours that henceforth all orphaned children in their care are to be ferried around Malta in a fleet of Lamborghinis, is to say the least... spurious. Bentleys... possibly, but certainly not ultra-vulgar Lambos.

But here we should take a look at the more immediate future of Sisters Act. Winning the ESC will be the doorway to mega-stardom for the six humble nuns from even humbler Malta. No sooner have they triumphantly stepped off the stage in Vienna than the media frenzy begins.

Over the years there have been quite a few – shall we say – bizarre – winners of this Euro-wide kitsch-fest

Of course, the ladies will need an agent – not, you understand, to get them gigs – but to field the hundreds of offers that will pour into their convent.

They can expect the number one concert venues to come calling. One-night stands (of the entirely non-naughty sort) will be arranged in venues such as the Hollywood Bowl, the O2 Arena in London, the Sydney Opera House and – who knows – even Madison Square Gardens and Wembley Stadium.

By now, of course – and upon the advice of their agent – Sisters Act will have spiced-up their set somewhat. Not in a vulgar or inappropriate way, oh no... and there is absolutely not a shred of veracity in the claim that Sister Domenica has modelled her new stage persona on that of Lady Gaga.

This is a whole new world for the ladies from Malta. It is, in effect, a re-run of the Susan Boyle story... times six. Naturally, after their Eurovision triumph they will audition their own band, well, they’ll need one for touring. Oh yes, and they will also acquire three large black lady backing singers in glittery silver lamé frocks, which will make them look like three beached minky whales.

Then, when inevitably their first album (Soul Sisters) goes platinum, they will have to open a Swiss bank account... or three; followed by at least four world-wide number one hits... so the juggernaut rolls on.

Personal appearances on The Tonight Show and Jonathan Ross; plus in-depth interviews for Newsweek, Rolling Stone and Pink... Pink?

Clothes will certainly need to be upgraded... especially their stage habits.

Lots of glitter around the wimples and their names embroidered onto their habits in flashing lights.

They will keep to their order’s habits offstage, but these will no longer be home sewn... now it’s five-figure designer habits courtesy of Donatella Versace and Vivienne Westwood.

Within six short months Sisters Act will go from being complete unknowns to the biggest thing in show business.

Well, we can dream.