There was great commotion, lots of dancing and festa-like fun in the Chetcuti household a fortnight ago: we had a wedding.

My sister, who oft features in this column, got married. Of course, this means that now I’ve officially got myself a brother – and he has no choice but to start featuring in this column too. Whoop, whoop.

Really and truly, their marriage certificate will not make much of a practical difference to my sister and my brother-in-law’s (here I go!) lives: they’ve lived together for a number of years. But marriage is essentially a social contract – you are making a promise of commitment in front of your dearest and nearest: hence the importance for great celebrations by society.

Now, the very same week my sister got married, I received my divorce decree. It’s also, technically, a mere piece of paper.

I’ve been separated for eight years, so this will not make an iota of a difference to my life. But it is legally, a drawing of the line of sorts.

It’ll have to do because my Church annulment process, seven years down the line, is still ongoing. I had applied for it, because I’m a Catholic, I had married in church and because, anyway, there was no sign of divorce in Malta back then.

I therefore found the Gozo Bishop’s comments on Wednesday quite intriguing. Before heading off to a Vatican synod to discuss families, he told journalists that “remarried divorced Catholics in Malta are a reality and cannot be ignored”.

Very well. But how about if the Church in Malta took an introspective look at its annulment process which, because it is lengthy and archaic, is sending people away in droves to divorce?

It’s encouraging that Pope Francis has ordered a group of theologians and lawyers to come up with ways to simplify the Catholic annulment procedure. Unlike divorce, which can be obtained under any circumstance, annulment can only be obtained if the couple shows that their marriage was not valid in the first place. That’s fine – it’s the rules of the club. But does this process have to take years and years?

It is a long and laborious process, where essentially lawyers have little say. It’s very difficult to understand how upsetting it is unless you go through it: you have to relive the story of your marriage break-up, the sense of failure, the pain, over and over. It’s also very expensive: up to now I think I’ve forked out close to €2,000.

Last year, six years into the process, I got a letter in the post. It informed me that, after all, my marriage would not be declared null, and that I have 15 days to appeal this decision and could I be reminded to pay up the remaining €375 as soon as possible.

“Get a divorce in the meantime, if you feel the need to sort out yourself legally,” the administrators at the Curia court told me. Righty-ho.

Meanwhile, I keep meeting people telling me: “Ah, you’ll never be given an annulment unless you’re someone important or unless you … [wink, wink]” Which presumably means paying underhand money.

I do not know if this really happens or not, but I’ve heard of people who married three times and got a Church annulment each time – which is quite perplexing.

I know countless others who lied in their evidence: “We agreed to say that we did not want children, as in the eyes of the Church, that counts as an automatic nullity.”

No one really ever speaks publicly about the hardships of the annulment process. Everyone fears that if they do, then their chances are scuppered. I’m appealing the Tribunal’s verdict, but I’ve also decided to talk about it because there are a lot of people out there – more Catholic than I am – who are broken by the long years of hope and the final negative outcome.

We all should speak out, not out of sour grapes, but to improve the system for the future, to put pressure on the Church to be quicker in handing out the final verdict, whether positive or negative.

I hope Bishop Mario Grech will speak in favour of simplifying the annulment process at the synod. I think Fr Peter Serracino Inglott was right when he had said that the Catholic Church should adopt a stance similar to the Greek Orthodox one: where, if a marriage fails, then that is in itself a sign that the foundations were not strong and therefore it should not have taken place.

I hope the synod reaches the same conclusion – if not they will be faced more and more by “the reality of remarried Catholic divorcees”.

Meanwhile, if there is anyone out there mulling a Church annulment – I’ll say this to them: don’t. Apply for a civil one, or for divorce. As things stand, it’s much less painful.

And if anyone out there is about to get married, I’ll say this: think it over wisely. You’ll want it to be a good decision, for when a marriage works and you get to share your life with the person who brings out the best in you, then it is the most beautiful thing in the world.

krischetcuti@gmail.com
Twitter: @KrisChetcuti