A survivor of sexual abuse is in Malta together with her husband, a former priest, to talk about their experience with victims who are healing from the trauma.

American psychotherapists Patrick, 66, and Sue Lauber Fleming, 79, have for years provided support to victims of abuse as well as perpetrators, in particular clerical abusers.

“Our mission is to stop the cycle of abuse. As we work more and more with abusers and hear their stories we often find that they themselves were abused when they were young,” Mr Fleming told the newspaper.

The couple are here for a weeklong series of seminars with the clergy, school staff, counsellors and the public on how to heal psychologically and spiritually from the effects of trauma and abuse.

Abuse not only injures the survivor psychologically but it also assaults his soul and these wounds often go unnoticed, they say. They hope to help participants identify the wounds and provide a healing road-map.

They need to express their anger and grieve and mourn what was taken from them

“The first tool is to provide a safe and sacred space to share their story. They then need to express their just anger and grieve and mourn what was taken from them by the abuse – maybe a relationship or even their own spirituality.

“At some point they need to cut the ties with the perpetrator by forgiving them and then towards the end of the process learn how to transform the suffering they have gone through into something positive,” Ms Fleming explained.

This transformation does not imply that the abuse was positive, her husband noted.

It is always bad, but the soul can for instance bring forth a deeper compassion and understanding of others who are suffering from something similar.

In some cases it brings them to some kind of new life purpose, some kind of service work, he added.

Being a survivor of abuse herself, Ms Fleming’s trauma helps her understand better the victims she meets.

“When I was four my mother was around 36 and she was in the basement doing laundry. Our pastor sexually assaulted her and when I heard my mother scream I ran downstairs.

“My mother yelled at me to go upstairs but I couldn’t get up fast enough and the priest grabbed me and molested me. My mother and I never spoke about the incident.”

When she sought therapy 40 years later, Ms Fleming understood the effects the abuse had on her mother and herself. Her mother was very anxious and depressed while she herself became afraid of being seen.

“I felt that if you’re seen, you’re going to get hurt,” she said, adding that since her story was published in a book that she co-authored with her husband, she cannot hide any more. Just like other victims of abuse she spent years believing she was really bad and her healing is still going on.

Organised by the Church Schools Spiritual Development Unit of the Secretariat for Catholic Education, the Secretariat for the Clergy and the Spiritual Counselors Coordinator of the Diocese, the seminars kicked off on Tuesday and will continue today in Gozo at the Seminary in Victoria at 7pm for therapists, counsellors, teachers, pastoral and youth workers and the public and tomorrow at 9am for Gozo clergy, religious and consecrated people. Those interested should register for free on http://knisja.org/shatteredsoul or http://goo.gl/AWhZ2m, while any donation to meet expenses will be appreciated.