Independence is in the air not just in Malta. On Thursday the Scots will vote whether they want to opt out of the union of Great Britain. Photo: Reuters/Paul Hackett

In between discussing whether Kate Middleton will be coming to Malta and exclaiming how immaculate our freshly-painted roads now look and how long will they last, we vaguely try to remember the original reason for this royal visit.

Err, what was the reason again? Was it so we could all have a closer look at Kate’s lush hair? Was it to check out the bulge of her tummy? Was it so that we all go on Facebook after watching the news and dissect her dress?

Um, no. At some point we recall that the Duchess of Cambridge is supposed to come over because we’re celebrating the 50th anniversary of independence as a nation. Or as fellow columnist Ranier Fsadni would have it, to be ever so precise, 50 years as a nation state.

As it happens, independence is in the air not just in Malta. On Thursday the Scots will be going to the ballots to vote whether they want to opt out of the union of Great Britain.

The outcome looks very bagpipesy if you ask me. A record number of people have registered to vote in the Scottish independence referendum, with 97 per cent of the adult population now ready to take part in the vote. To put things in perspective, this is not Malta; this is a country where 97 per cent is an unprecedented level of registration, and accordingly the polls are predicting a record turnout.

A friend who has just been to Glasgow said that everywhere you go, people are talking about the referendum. “It even got me excited, I hope they’ll be selling citizenship after the vote goes through – I suddenly want to be Scottish.”

There is, she said, a feeling of optimism, that going independent will give the Scots a chance to organise their society. No one is, of course, really thinking about the uncertainties of the economy, the currency or whether once the ties are severed, they will belong to the EU.

No, the clincher, the one that mobilised every proud kilt-wearer was the new survey that revealed that Scottish men are better lovers than their English counterparts. With news like this, staying in the union seems even bleaker: why should we allow our prowess as lovers to go unrecognised just because of the unromantic English, say the Scots.

There is a feeling that if the referendum goes through then, everyone will be making jolly bonfires of burning British pound notes, everyone will be flapping their tartan skirts about and eating haggis to the backdrop of bagpipes and everyone will be shagging in grand Scottish lovers’ style.

Meanwhile, down in England, everyone will be poor and haggard and luckless in love. The Queen (and our dear Kate) will be grumpy because, what will happen to her Balmoral castle? David Cameron will be even pinkier in the face, and Ed Miliband… well, everyone will be going “Miliband who?”

Across the continent, the result will be followed eagerly by hundreds of thousands of Catalans, who, piggybacking on the Scots’ success, will take to the streets, also on Thursday, the National Day of Catalonia, to demand the right to hold a referendum on their future.

Catalans are very Spanish: no orderly demonstrations for them will do. Instead they will form of a huge ‘V’ in the north of Barcelona, where two major thoroughfares converge. The V stands for via, vote and voluntat (will) (and by proxy, for victory). A referendum on independence for the region of seven million people is being organised by the Catalan government on November 9.

All this will have a domino effect on the rest of Europe

The thing is that all this will have a domino effect on the rest of Europe. Before we know it, in Germany, conservative Bavaria will want to distance itself from Berlin. “Och. We want Bavaria State. Achtung: we want Bavarian Christian Social Union to govern forever, yah.”

In Italy, Naples will want to go its own way. “Maradona for president! O Sole Mio for national anthem!” will be their independence battle cries. In France, the French Riviera will be invaded by tres chic demonstrators in bikinis, forming a huge C: “Carla Bruni pour Madame la Presidente de la Riviera”.

What about Malta? Who will be clamouring for independence here? Will it be the Gozitans? No. They enjoy way too much living off us.

Or will it be the FKNK? Will they take over a piece of land make it their own? Oh, wait, they’ve already done that.

After giving it much thought, I think it will be the boathouse town of Armier which will ask for independence. They already have their own rule of law in place, and their survival skills of professional squatting and appropriating land is the best known to history of mankind. Yes, they are the ones who can truly make it independently.

These are interesting times indeed. In 50 years’ time will the whole of Europe have unravelled? Geographically will we be the very same nation states?

And more importantly, would Kate have called on us by then?

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Twitter: @KrisChetcuti