A close friend of mine, who happens to be a very good lawyer, once told me a story which has stayed with me since, and which I am reminded of every time a child abuse case explodes in the media.

At the time, he and his wife lived in an apartment building. On some mornings, a mother who lived in the flat upstairs would call him up kindly asking him to knot her daughter’s school tie on the premise that her husband had already left for work and she didn’t know how to tie it herself.

As a mother whose son needed help knotting his tie for many years, I could immediately relate and empathise with this domestic snapshot. Had my own school uniform not been accessorised with a tie, I may never have been constrained to learn how to properly knot one, and could so easily have found myself in a similar predicament when my son was of school age.

It was a perfectly understandable request – not something my friend had any cause to doubt. He did it gladly, although, on the occasions this girl did turn up, he’d always make sure his wife was around.

For reasons which might only make sense or occur to you if you’ve been in the business of prosecuting or defending similar cases long enough, he insisted on having his wife present and didn’t want to put himself in a situation where he and the child were ever left alone.

I find myself recounting this story to anyone who’ll listen because it is unfortunately a sign of the times we are living in. There was a time we wouldn’t dream of sending our children on sleepovers unless we knew and trusted the families implicitly. And even then, we could never be entirely sure whether or not we were setting our children up for a potential disaster.

Today, I find it’s the people on the other side – those on the receiving end – who really ought to be wary and think twice. And I feel exactly the same way about people in education – teachers in and outside of school, guidance counsellors, doctors, nurses, bus drivers, football coaches – basically anyone whose life and livelihood is in some way connected to children, vocational or otherwise. Every single day, these people put their lives and careers at risk.

My friend’s attitude and stance might appear a little excessive and exaggerated. But what can be more excessive than something you will never ever recover from, no matter the outcome?

There can be nothing quite as devastating or soul-destroying as having to respond to child abuse allegations – physical or sexual – when you are innocent. No other crime comes close. Being falsely charged with any crime is never fun or easy, but in the life- and- career-shattering department, nothing compares to being branded a sex or child abuse offender. Even murder and drug trafficking offences, which carry life sentences, are not as socially stigmatising.

At some level, you can always justify why you were provoked or coerced into a life of prostitution; why you stole to be able to feed your children; sold drugs to support a habit; even killed someone in self-defence or under provocation. Being caught with small amounts of drugs, in some circles, is looked upon as a rite of passage.

Child abuse offenders, on the other hand, are considered the dregs of humanity – they’re even ostracised by other criminals who are unforgiving of those who prey on the young and innocent.

Consequently, even if you are falsely accused, it’s not an offence you can ever shrug off or dismiss and just carry on with your life where you left off.

It’s one of those offences where you’re almost better off being guilty than not. Because allegations of this sort are always far more difficult to disprove than they are to prove.

In a recent survey conducted in the UK over a 12-month period, nearly half the allegations were unsubstantiated, malicious or unfounded

You see, whereas most crimes depend on concrete, objective proof – you either were in possession or you weren’t – here, very often you’re dealing with one person’s word against another. Flimsy accusations, which stem from mere suspicion, very quickly grow roots. On top of that, there are often strong, subjective elements at play.

Although the subjects are exclusively minors who are frequently troubled, attention-seeking or just very young and therefore potentially unreliable and easily malleable – reports are filed by adults.

A mysterious bruise could set a parent off and provoke a thousand questions at the best of times. When it happens at the worst of times – during a separation, for instance – anyone in the line of fire may be falsely accused.

Of course, this goes way beyond the battleground of rancorous separations. The education system faces this nightmare on a daily basis, both by children and adults who may be acting in reaction to some real or perceived slight. In a recent Department of Education survey conducted in the UK over a 12-month period, nearly half the allegations were unsubstantiated, malicious or unfounded.

Naturally, because child abuse is so morally reprehensible, vile and disgusting, accusations have got to be taken seriously, and police would rather err on the side of the child or the person making the report.

That may be, but what of the lives of the individuals who suffer on account of these errors? Isn’t that abusive too? Or is their life less valuable or worthy? In our overzealous pursuit of justice, are we forgetting the profound impact these malicious complaints have on those falsely accused, who henceforth suffer debilitating health, massive indignities, job losses and withdrawal from society? Unless suicide claims them before, even when they are eventually cleared, they are never able to recover from their ordeal.

There is absolutely no room for scratch and win lottery-style accusations and prosecutions where undiscerning policemen cast their net widely and indiscriminately, indulging in abusive fishing expeditions and ‘taking a chance’ – while someone else’s life is on the line. Something needs to be done about this, and fast.

michelaspiteri@gmail.com