The credit card statement hit the doormat with the stealth and gel-sleazed hair attitude of Richie Aprile.

Now, there are two things which I need to make clear about this introduction. First of all, I don’t have a doormat. But what should I have said? That the credit card statement hit the space where the doormat – the one which I’ve been planning to buy for the past five years, ever since I moved into my new home – should be? It doesn’t have the same gravitas or the impactful conciseness as ‘doormat’, even though that one word necessitated an 83-word explanation.

And secondly, yes, I’ve started watching The Sopranos again. Well, make that again, again and again, because it’s my third rerun of the series. And every time, there’s that little movement, that insider traded joke, which I had missed in a previous sitting.

But back to the credit card statement hitting the doormat, which now, with my hermeneutic insight, can elicit a better reader-response. So I open the envelope and instead of the usual one-page list of online purchases, there are two pages. Maybe the bank has looked the other way and, in a gesture of goodwill, forgiven my debts. But no. The second page is an itemised statement of the payments I’ve directed to a company called Rovio Entertainment Limited.

We are the architects of our actions- Ezio Auditore da Firenze, Assassin’s Creed: Revelations

For a The Sopranos, season one, episode one moment (the one where Tony Soprano suffers a bout of dizzy spells), I’m confused. And then it hits me: it’s the bill for my in-game purchases for Angry Birds Epic. Added up, the amount nips at the heels of a €50 note.

That’s the thing with freemium games. They’re free, but they’re not. You can play Angry Birds Epic without spending a cent. But then, to go through the really hard stages, you would need to spend an epic amount of time.

And you don’t want to do that. Well, at least I don’t, which is why I engage the help of a third bird, Piggy Mc’Cool. Cute little bird, but like all cute little things, he doesn’t come cheap (15 credits which, in real world money, cost close to €1).

Now I’m not blaming anyone but me. It’s just that my mind is making me a question I cannot refuse or answer. It’s a chicken and egg conundrum: is it Angry Birds Epic or my personality that is addictive?

One thing is for sure. With the kind of money that I’ve spent on Piggy Mc’Cool, I could have bought a gilded doormat, woven by endangered fairies in candlelit Celtic caves.

techeditor@timesofmalta.com