What happens once the stork flies away? Iggy Fenech chats to Trinity Camilleri Burlo’ about becoming a mother and learning to handle a newborn baby at first hand.
There are many landmark moments in the course of a person’s life, like – in no particular order whatsoever – the first kiss, the first break-up, the first day at school, the wedding day or the day you move in with someone, just to name a few.
Most of these tend to become fond memories, and for the most part they are defining moments that shape us and make us turn into reminiscent aunts every time they are mentioned or thought of. But there is one big, landmark, milestone moment that for many is as joyful as it is terrifying: the day a parent holds his or her firstborn in their arms for the very first time.
What do you do with it? Why is it crying? How do you hold it? How do you feed it? How can you make sure you don’t break it?
No matter how much you’ve read, or how many times you’ve babysat; no matter how many times you’ve cuddled a Ciccobello or pretended to be your guineapig’s mummy; no matter the number of times you’ve called your Lamborghini ‘my baby’ or imagined playing football with your future child – nothing can really prepare you for that overwhelming feeling of holding your own flesh and blood wrapped up as a bundle of joy that is your firstborn.
Nothing can really prepare you for that overwhelming feeling of holding your own flesh and blood
Of course there are the obvious things: always remember to wash your hands or use a hand sanitiser when handling your newborn, and make sure everyone else who comes in contact with your baby does so as well, as the child’s immune system is still susceptible to infection. Make sure you support their head and neck when carrying them or laying them down. Never shake your baby in play or frustration as this may lead to bleeding in the brain. And remember that they are not yet ready to be thrown into the air or jiggled on the knee.
But there is also the emotional side to handling a newborn; the bit noone tells you about. The feeling of having someone depend on you; the strong, parental ties and mild obsessiveness that make it hard to be away from your teeny, tiny man or woman. And for that, there is nothing more revealing or more insightful than a first-hand experience of someone who has been through it before and survived.
And who better to tell us what it’s really like than someone who recently became a mother?
“I don’t think there is a single word in the dictionary that describes the exact emotions you feel when you hold your newborn in your arms for the first time,” says Trinity Camilleri Burlo’, mother to three-month-old Sebastian (known intimately as Seb). “It’s a cocktail of emotions – love, protection, happiness, fulfilment, fear, surprise and disbelief. I know for a fact that it’s something one needs to experience to be able to fully understand it.
“My lifestyle changed overnight in the beginning; sleepless nights, no time for myself, or to eat or shower, even the simple and basic things I once took for granted became chores,” she continues. “But as time went by, I started getting used to him, and he started getting used to the world, and things started falling into place. The lifestyle I had had started taking shape again – a modified version, mind you – but I strongly believe that with the right planning everything can be done as before.
“Before giving birth I used to read a lot of books, surf the net and attend courses – all of which were very fruitful. I wanted to be up to date and prepared, but reality is something different. I guess you learn through experience. All the information gathered is put into practice, and if I didn’t get it right the first time, then I kept on trying until I found the right way.
“With regard to feeding, I got a lot of help from the clinic at Mater Dei. The staff there is very helpful. Dressing was the easiest task, but diaper duty wasn’t, as I used to find his babygrows wet the first couple of tries,” Trinity goes on. “Calming my baby down was and still is the most difficult task, however, and I’m sure most mums would say the same thing. I believe that it’s both a matter of getting to know your child’s needs and of calming yourself down first.
“A situation which I am finding hard to face is the reality of going back to work and leaving him behind. Luckily, I’m self-employed so I am a bit more flexible with regard to working hours, but it’s heart-breaking. I had and still have loads of help from both of my families, and I couldn’t have done it without them. It’s very hard in the beginning with a newborn, and all the help I got was vital for my well-being. They used to feed me (and my husband, Kurt) and sort out house chores. I can’t thank them enough! And obviously Kurt used to help me a lot with Seb, but he’s kind of backing off, as it’s no longer a novelty changing a diaper.
“After three months I could write a book with tips as I feel more confident, but yet I still don’t know it all and feel hopeless many times,” she adds. “One important piece of advice is to help and support each other. Don’t let stress and fatigue take over these special moments. Enjoy and cherish every single minute and remember that there is nothing more important than being there for your child and each other.
“A tip for the mums- and dads-to-be would be to understand that you need to dedicate yourself to your child. Don’t expect to keep up with chores and work etc., as otherwise failing to do everything could be stressful on both you and your child,” Trinity concludes.