Argentina’s Javier Mascherano (right) and Nigel de Jong of the Netherlands fight for the ball during their 2014 World Cup semi-final last Wednesday. Mascherano is shortlisted for the tournament’s Golden Ball award for best player. Photo: Reuters/Paulo Whitaker

If there were any lingering doubts that the football gods don’t like the English then I think today’s World Cup final should lay them to rest once and for all.

It’s bad enough that England fans never get to watch their own team take part in these life-defining games. Heck, we’ve now reached the stage where a round of 16 game would be something to tell the grandkids about.

But the gods have taken things a step further by giving us a final with nobody to support. Argentina vs Brazil and we could have happily supported the hosts. Holland vs Germany and we could have started a love affair with orange. Holland vs Brazil would have been an absolute party.

But Germany vs Argentina? Two of England’s fiercest rivals? What are we supposed to do with that? Cheer on the referee? Hope both teams are disqualified on a technicality? Pray for a tropical storm so severe they decide to abandon the entire tournament? It is certainly not going to be an easy game to watch.

Talking of things that aren’t easy to watch, what was the second semi-final all about? It was the most disappointing thing I have seen since the second batch of Star Wars films.

I understand both teams were desperate not to lose, but there is a huge difference between taking a cautious approach to a game and walking out on the pitch to spend two hours waiting for penalties. The mind-bogglingly surreal game on Tuesday only served to highlight the utter tedium of Wednesday’s snore-fest.

I daren’t hazard a sniff of a prediction

Incidentally, I don’t subscribe to the view that Germany were brilliant against Brazil. It was Brazil that were awful. Any organised team with a bit of drive and determination could have given that Brazilian team a spanking without breaking into a sweat.

But the semis are history. Now, after 63 mostly thrilling games, the 32 teams that started out full of hope and expectation have been whittled down to the final two.

So which of them is going to win it? Sadly, I don’t have the foggiest. I am in the dark to such an extent that I am prepared to run the risk of a severely splintered backside by nailing myself to the fence on this one. I daren’t even hazard a sniff of a prediction.

On one hand, you might make Argentina favourites considering they are on their home continent and have the tournament’s best player. And I am referring to Javier Mascherano, not Lionel Messi. On top of that, they have shown they know how to win ugly and won’t crack under pressure.

But Germany aren’t short of stars either and have a ruthless ability that enables them to exploit their opponents’ smallest weakness. Last Tuesday, for example, there was a period when Brazil forgot how to play football. Germany noticed this brain freeze and decided it was the appropriate juncture to score four goals in six minutes. Pure clinical efficiency.

One team has steely resistance and delightful flair, the other is a well-oiled machine that is stronger than most in every single department. As contests go it could be tighter than the proverbial duck’s bottom.

As a neutral I can only hope we are treated to a final that is worthy of the tournament that went before it. If it’s another dull, depressingly bad game like Wednesday’s, which at times made my eyeballs bleed, then I would like to propose we don’t give either team the trophy and instead have a rollover with the winners of 2018 crowned as double world champions. Roy Hodgson should have retired by then.

Who wants to come third?

Can someone please spend an hour in a darkened room with Sepp Blatter, slapping him repeatedly until he agrees to abandon the most pointless football match on the planet?

I am not referring to any game involving the England team. No, I am talking about the third place play-off at the World Cup.

When a team loses a semi-final, all the players and coaching staff want to do is head home to hide in a dark corner. But no, Fifa says they have to stick around for a few more days to take part in a match neither team actually gives a monkey’s about while being constantly reminded of their recent failure.

Have you ever seen players celebrating when they lose the World Cup final? Of course not. So how on earth can there be any sort of thrill in coming third?

Last night’s game between Brazil and Holland may have been an absolute cracker but that doesn’t make it any less pointless or any less unfair on the players who have already had their World Cup dreams shattered.

Like Blatter himself, this ridiculous match has got to go.

Good stuff PBS

TVM’s World Cup coverage has, for the most part, been excellent. The build-up to games and the post-match analysis was informative and enjoyable. I don’t dish out praise easily, but Rodney and the rest of the team deserve a big pat on the back for their not inconsiderable efforts over the past month or so.

Your say

“I completely agree with all you said two Sundays ago about England’s pathetic performance in Brazil and your views on Hodgson, the nation’s newest turnip! The difference between England and teams such as Brazil, Italy, Argentina and Germany is that these go to World Cups with the goal of winning it while England simply go there to participate and hope for a good showing.

“Of course, I never expected anything exciting to happen in this World Cup, because I was sure that with Hodgson at the helm, England stood no chance of competing with the best. One only has to compare England’s central defenders with the likes of Giorgio Chiellini of Italy and Diego Godin of Uruguay, and then Hodgson opts play Phil Jagielka, a laughing stock compared to such greats!

“England could have easily had a class player marshalling their defence, had turnip Hodgson opted not to bridge the differences with John Terry. If I were England manager the first name I would pen down on the team line-up would be James Milner; the guy is a fantastic team player, good coming forward and good at recovering in defence when needed, besides being a good crosser of the ball; for me he’s an automatic choice.

“As a Liverpool fan I could easily opt to avoid mentioning Liverpool players but in the games against Italy and Uruguay, England lacked pace and creativity in midfield and Steven Gerrard was unable to lead, and at times looked so static it was surprising Hodgson failed to see this. Jordan Henderson did a good job there, but wouldn’t it have been better if Ross Barkley started in his place?

“England’s main weakness was defence, and Hodgson could have mended that in the game against Uruguay by playing Phil Jones instead of Jagielka, but most of all by fielding midfield players who can recover lost balls and help the defence and set up attacks, something that never materialised and which was as clear as glass to all bar Hodgson.” Jason Bartolo, e-mail.

sportscolumnist@timesofmalta.com
Twitter: @maltablade