Pont des Arts, for the non-soppy among us, is the celebrated bridge where since 2008, couples have been attaching a lock to its railings and then throwing the key into the river Seine.Pont des Arts, for the non-soppy among us, is the celebrated bridge where since 2008, couples have been attaching a lock to its railings and then throwing the key into the river Seine.

• Love was in the air last weekend, as some 100 couples tied the knot in Malta and Gozo. You know how we say all is fair in love and war bla di bla, but there must be an exception to that saying.

Surely, it is gross unfairness on all of us that have to witness it for grooms to wear a white suit, a white bow tie and – argh! my fingers flinch as I type this – white shoes to get married?

As I scroll the Facebook newsfeed these days, I’m always apprehensive that a picture of some man in white will be jumping off the screen. I wish the Daily Mail would get on the case to gauge whether this is an Only-in-Malta thing or whether Holy Communion grooms are also popular in Europe.

Meanwhile, I have one good thing to say about these all-in-white weddings. From experience, they are the kind of dos where the bride and all her guests will kick off their shoes, and there will be sweaty, energetic dancing to the Enigma DJs, lots of red-faced-with-booze uncles and possibly a brawl or two.

But at least no one will be tut-tutting that the melon in the fruit kebab is cut too big to fit dainty, poshy mouths. At White Grooms Weddings, no one restrains themselves to be ultra posh: what you see is what you get.

• I am fascinated by that Paris bridge which hit the headlines because it is about to collapse under too much love.

Pont des Arts, for the non-soppy among us, is the celebrated bridge where since 2008, couples have been attaching a lock to its railings and then throwing the key into the river Seine.

Six years on, the 150m bridge is covered in ‘love locks’ and last week had to be evacuated after part of the railing collapsed under the weight of these locks.

It is a headache for city officials, with the mayor of Paris saying that although “it is wonderful” to see so many “devoted couples”, the ritual is posing several problems due to the weight of the thousands of small steel padlocks.

Parisiennes are up in arms: they want to stroll on the bridge while eating their morning pain au chocolat; and they are sick of trying to swim in the Seine with the perils of swallowing one of them thousand discarded keys.

Parisiennes are up in arms: they want to stroll on the bridge while eating their morning pain au chocolat

Will lovers have to quell their passion? Not to worry: vive la resistance. Messieurs, dames, voilà le Pont de Malte. Love birds who care to seal their love with a flourish and a touch of drama are now doing so at Le Pont de Tigné de Malte.

Walking up to Tigné Point, you will glimpse scores of locks hanging tight on to the railing. We need to capitalise on the woes of the French and lure love tourism.

By 2020, the whole area will be heaving under the weight of locks – and I will not go up in arms. If the whole of the Tigné peninsula falls down, rejoice: no more ugly, horrendous visual impact on Valletta. Its World Heritage status will be safe forever.

• A friend of mine had his car towed while partying in the wee hours of the morning. At about 5am, he got a lift home only to discover that his house keys were in the said towed car.

He jumped on a passing bus (for the first time in 20 years). The bus driver empathised and gave him a lift to the nearest taxi station. There, a driver who had just finished his shift and was on his way home, offered to take him to the police headquarters – in his Ford Escort Mark I (“!” said my friend)

The escort owner – a complete stranger – drove him to Floriana, waited for him to pay the towing fee and then drove him all the way to the towing garage in Gudja, saying: “Ma tarax se nħallik l-art, sieħbi.”

At the end of the adventure, my friend said: “It’s one of those moments in life when you feel warm with the knowledge that, after all, there are good souls around. It’s why I love Malta.”

• Have you noticed how street parlance changes every other year? There was a time when it was ‘Iva ta’ was all people were saying. Then we had everyone saying ‘Tal-osjta’, which is no longer a swear word but now means ‘wow’.

Last year, ‘Int bis-serjetà?’ took off, accompanied by an incredulous look. The expression of the moment is: ‘Unbelievable’. As in “Did you know that Sepp Blatter is seeking re-election despite the corruption scandals?” Answer: “Unbelievable”; or “Did you see how former Maltese MPs want to retain the title of ‘honourable’ in recognition of their service to their country (ego)?” Answer: “Un-be-lieve-able”.

• Enjoy the World Cup. May the best team – England – win. For once. Just once.

krischetcuti@gmail.com
Twitter: @KrisChetcuti

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