Carina Camilleri and her son Ben Camille.

Having lived abroad for the biggest chunk of my early 20s, I’ve come to realise that the Maltese mind-set of living with the parents until a lifelong partner is secured is rather unique.

Of course, there are various factors as to why this occurs; probably none more influential than the fact that we can all drive to and from our only university on a daily basis. In fact, higher education and moving out go hand-in-hand in most other countries, but there’s more to it than just distance.

The first year of living by yourself is one of the scariest and most exciting times of your life. The freedom you get from having your own, personal space, having no one to report to, the luxury of having get-togethers on a whim and the beauty of not being forced to do any household chores, cannot be explained in words. But independence is neither cheap nor easy: get-togethers leave a trail of debris throughout the house, household chores pile up, filth takes over, and bills must be paid.

I believe that if you love someone, you have to let them go

As someone who has experienced living away from home – although I’ve had to give it up for a while – I understand the delicate correlation between having the freedom to do what you want and the repercussions of actually doing it – experience, you see, is a great teacher. But there is more to moving out than simply being independent; you also get to leave behind your family and those who have nurtured you from before you ever born. So I wondered: how does a mother feel about her child moving out? And how does the child feel about leaving the family behind?

“When my son Ben moved out he didn’t really make a scene about it,” says fashion stylist, director of ModelsM and mother-of-two Carina Camilleri. “He didn’t tell me or Pierre, his father, about it, but rather just said that he wanted to spend more time with his girlfriend and that that would have been an opportune way to do it.

“It was quite funny really, he called me one day and said ‘I’m not coming home today’. He had slept at his friends’ and girlfriend’s houses before, so I didn’t make much of it until he said that this time round was going to be permanent. Maybe most mothers would have made a fuss and demanded an explanation, but I believe that if you love someone, you have to let them go.”

The extraordinary part of Ben’s story is that he went about this rite of passage in a completely unconventional way. He didn’t make a scene about it but simply did it. And maybe, by doing it unceremoniously he let his parents know that things do not necessarily have to change.

“I’m not one of those people who thinks that everyone should move out as soon as possible,” says 25-year-old Ben Camille. “I believe people should do whatever feels right for them. Both my girlfriend, Kristina, and I were very happy to take this important step together and up till now we have no regrets. I was lucky as I had lived abroad for some time while studying, so I was pretty geared up for it, but I would have probably still done it either way.

“What I’ve come to realise, however, is that both scenarios have their pros and cons. I love being independent and living in St Julian’s – apart from the parking problem, obviously – and I also like the fact that my brother can no longer nick clothes from my wardrobe, but then again, even though I see my family often, I still miss them and our dog, Cody.”

Between lunches and crafty coffee breaks pencilled in their busy schedules, Carina and her son Ben have effortlessly kept their mother-son relationship going strong. Meeting up as a family, for the Camilleris, is not a chore but a pleasure that is eagerly awaited.

“Ben and I talk business a lot, particularly since we’re on the same wavelength and he’s a fast mover,” explains Carina. “He’s very active when we talk and, even though I’m the mother, he’s the one who usually gives me advice and motivates me. Our lunches and other happenings keep us close, but I miss having breakfast and supper together as a whole family – although I have to admit that I don’t mind having one less mouth to cook for.”

I remember when I myself moved out and my mother was rather upset. As the baby of the family, my leaving the nest was an end of an era for a woman who had been a hands-on and full-time mother for over 30 years.

But her ability to let go and understand the importance of becoming independent was also courageous. I think this view is also shared by Carina, who although still has her son Dale living at home, did not find letting her first-born go easy.

“I miss Ben terribly, but I think that living by yourself and being independent is incredibly important,” she elucidates. “I also believe that living with someone before you get married can be vital… so long as you can afford it, of course!”

As for Ben, moving out was quite the experience, and as he put it in his own words: “Change is not easy, but it’s not impossible to make it work. Finding a balance and a system that works for you, and remembering that there is no one golden rule that works for everyone, were two lessons my girlfriend and I had to learn. It’s also important to get your priorities straight and to share them with your partner and you really need to have a lot of patience.”