As we journey through life, we make and receive many toasts. Those of us surrounded by many friends have experienced toasts at several occasions, from weddings to funerals, birthday celebrations to good health.
Sincere words spoken during a toast can be the most precious for our loved ones, as these usually convey empathy and reflect the dignity of the toast giver. Toasting is essential in times of happiness and grief, career success and self-growth. Hence, it is important that it is done properly.
When? To what? How do you toast? And finally, who drinks?
It all started as an offering to the ancient gods in exchange for happiness.
Toasting started to have its current name when the Romans inserted bread that was hard to chew in wine containers to collect sediments.
At a time when Baroque was transitioning into the witty style of Rococo, it was common to propose a toast to the celebrities of the time, usually women. By adding spiced toast to a drink, one was thought to be flavouring the beverage with a woman’s piquant glance.
During a meal, a toast can be proposed at the beginning to welcome guests or before dessert is served.
When a toast is done after the main course, the one who proposes the toast should stand up. On the other hand, if a toast takes place before a meal starts, there is no need to stand, although it would be better if the person who is going to say something at the table is in a visible position. Remember that it is the host who has precedence in proposing a toast.
You can toast to anyone or anything, and there is no need to do so with an alcoholic drink. A perfect toast would be a personalised one, tailored for the occasion. Being a speech, ideally lasting two to three minutes, it has to have an opening, body and conclusion.
Vocal variety, eye contact and gestures contribute immensely to getting your message across. Be frank but extremely tactful; humiliating anyone at the table could backfire and is to be avoided.
Everyone is equal at the table, although the host is more of a first among equals, primus inter pares, and is expected to lead by example.
Toasting tips: Stand up and propose a toast to someone or something. When you finish your speech, you clink glasses with the guests and sip your drink quietly. Entirely downing a beverage is a sign of uncouthness.
In the past, cups made out of solids such as silver would be clinked hard to ensure no one at the table puts poison in your drink. Today, a gentle clink will do.
If you are a recipient of a toast and you participate in it, you will look as if you were clapping to yourself.
The best way to go about it is to wait and then reciprocate with a toast of your own.
Kristian Bonnici is the founder and chief executive of Diplomatic Envoy Consultancy (www.diplomaticenvoy.com.au), an agency providing training courses and consultancy. A former career diplomat specialising in organisational public relations, he previously worked at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Malta. Having served as deputy head of mission at the embassies in Cairo and Canberra, his diplomatic duties included protocol and etiquette, public diplomacy, international relations, negotiation, lobbying, international communication, public speaking, conflict resolution, consular services, event management and investment promotion. This is the first in a series of monthly contributions on etiquette.