The scene is the main auction room of Charles Spagnol Degaetano & Sons, Auctioneers and Valuers, St Julian’s.
The auction is about to get under way of the goods and chattels of one of the most distinguished Maltese personalities of recent times, Dr Salvino Manicaro Borg, who died last year. In his long and – some might say – distinguished career in Parliament, he held all the principal offices of State. He was both loved and loathed in almost equal numbers, so this sale of so many personal items is being hailed by some as the sale of this century... and the last.
The auctioneer, Mr Sunny Depasquale Naudi, mounts the podium and prepares to start the auction:
“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the galleries of Charles Spagnol Degaetano & Sons, for this most important sale of a truly wonderful and representative selection of the personal effects of the Honorable Dr Salvu Manicaro Borg.
“Indeed, this is surely the most important disposal of fine objects that it has been my privilege to oversee in the whole of my long and not undistinguished career as an auctioneer. And each and every one comes with the added cachet of having belonged to the great Is-Sur Salv... known to his many devotees as Il-Prim – and to his copious detractors as that b******.
“I’ll admit that I expected a rather better turnout than we have actually managed to, erm... attract. The sale was extremely well publicised online and in all the media... but then, looking on the bright side, the absentees’ loss is indubitably your gain.
“To begin: Lot number one harks back to the halcyon days of the bulk-buying scheme. On offer here are no fewer than 843 copies of the late Colonel Gaddafi’s Green Book. What am I bid for this most desirable lot? Shall we start the bidding at a modest €20,000?”
Lot number one harks back to the halcyon days of the bulk-buying scheme
(No bids)
“Alright then, how about €20?... €10? Let’s try 20 cents?
Still nobody? Doesn’t anybody want to own over 800 copies of this excellent tome, packed full with the wisdom of the late, not so great Libyan capo?
“Obviously not. Very well, then we’ll press on.
“Lot number two: Ah yes, this is one of our star lots and – I predict – certain to do well. It is a small selection of the distinctive belt buckles, sported by the great man adorning both his on and off-duty attire... and holding up his pants. I am looking for some very substantial bids for this little goldmine. These buckles, many in the shape of a horse’s behind, come in a variety of materials; from stainless steel to electroplated nickel silver. So who will start us off with a bid of €1,000?”
(No bids)
“There must be hundreds... or dozens of you out there simply gagging for a piece of our former mentor. OK, a derisory starting figure of €1? Ah yes, I thought that might get you salivating. Thank you madame; do I hear €10? No? Then try €2... Not even? Then they are sold to the lady with the two-tone hair... number six.
“Moving quickly on: Lot number three are five of the... ahem... chandeliers, made famous by Is-Sur Salv in many of his speeches during his heyday. Shall we start the bidding at a modest €50?... What nobody? Then how about just €1 again? Ah, you again madame. I can see you leaving here with all the bargains. Any advance on €1?... Sold to the same lady... number six.
“Ahem; er, where are you all going? We’re just getting to the good stuff now. The next lot is a corker. It’s 40 kilos of frozen horsemeat. Yes, we were all wondering what happened to that nag that allegedly threw him, way back when...
“No, please, don’t leave now... we also have up for auction a selection of some of his more incendiary speeches... expletives undeleted. Then there’s all the videos of Ġensna, and... no, please, come back!