Children’s right to their own opinion is just one of several rights that parents often overlook, said Fr Amedeo Cencini at the fourth annual conference of the Gozo diocese Family Commission.
The renowned psychologist, family therapist, educator and author, said that although it may not be blatantly obvious, respecting these rights are of vital importance for children’s healthy psychological, emotional and moral development.
Fr Cencini was the main speaker at the conference held at Villa Fiorita, Marsalforn on the theme Imma kif ma tifhiminx? (Why can’t you understand me?). The conference delved into the challenging relationships between parents and children.
Fr Cencini’s many books include the recent Se mi ami non dirmi sempre sì (If you love me don’t always say yes).
He said that it is not only parents who feel misunderstood by their children, as children feel their parents do not understand or listen to them. This can easily happen when parents, at times even unconsciously, assume that their children should view things from their perspective, that they should reason like adults, he said.
Ignored children’s rights correspond to unfulfilled parental responsibilities
Fr Cencini stressed that “ignored children’s rights correspond to unfulfilled parental responsibilities”. He went on to dwell on various rights, explaining the influence that they have (or the lack of them has) on a child’s development. They include: the right not to be programmed according to the parents’ tastes; the right to be imperfect (in their own person in particular, and in their life and surrounding environment in general); the right to be treated as a child (and not have to mimic adults); the right to be considered not only as a holder of rights but also as a bearer of duties; the right to ask questions and receive answers; the right to say (spontaneous) ‘noes’ but also to be told (well-motivated) ‘noes’; the right not to be lavished with gifts and toys; the right to the truth and not only the duty to tell it.
Fr Cencini said these rights help children grow in important values and inner dispositions, such as a healthy self-esteem, love and respect towards others, the appreciation of life as a gift, and the ability to enter into authentic relationships with God and with others.
He stressed that “children have a right to a normal – not a perfect – family made up of a father and a mother, bound together in a permanent, unconditional relationship, as demanded by nature and common sense; as recounted in history of all ages and civilisations, of every culture and tradition; as elementary psychology has always recommended; as experience renders evident to any truthful, honest and sane person; and at least for the believer, as is written in the plan of Creation”.
Concluding the event, Bishop Mario Grech said children have a right to parents who are not only present in their lives but are also well formed and informed to fulfil the fundamental parental role in the best possible manner. He said that the fact that so many parents had attended the conference confirmed their desire and commitment to learn more on the subject.
He encouraged those present to persevere in giving priority to their ongoing formation so as to be able to be effective parents throughout the ever-changing phases of their children’s lives, from childhood, through adolescence to adult life.