Bangkok is a riotous city of oversized Buddhist temples, dirt-cheap accommodation, rickshaws, dodgy designer clothes at street market prices and ludicrously good food on the hoof. It’s a great place to start your travels but Thailand just gets better the further you get from the city and is still astonishingly cheap. Here’s how to spend a relaxed month there.
Week one
You can’t avoid the capital, so embrace it. Use your first day to seek refuge at Wat Kalayanamit, a temple which houses a colossal indoor Buddha sitting in golden state beneath teardrop chandeliers.
The Grand Palace should also be near the top of your to-do list. Check out the Emerald Buddha that resides here, carved from solid jade.
You can also take a temple tour by taxi. Barter hard with a local Tuk-Tuk driver and make sure he is covering the temples you want to see rather than the ones that are near the shops he gets a commission from.
The river here is like a motorway through the city so get your bearings aboard the Chao Phraya Express boat. It costs less than a euro and you can go for kilometres taking in the sights. Once you’re feeling confident, hire a longtail boat to take you to the Khlongs of Thonburi for a glimpse of the real Thailand; houses on stilts and riverside shacks jostling for position and throngs of people.
The water is also home to the floating markets. There are several and they are popular tourist attractions, so things can get a little chaotic.
Probably the most fun is Damnoen Saduak because you can hire your own boat to visit it. The vendors will be after you; give in to a dish of tasty seafood, which they’ll cook in their boat for you.
At night, take in a Muay Thai fight (a kind of Thai boxing match). Opponents can use any bodily tactics to bring their opposer down and, as Thai music bellows in the background, the atmosphere is electric. The most accessible stadium is on Ratchadamnoen Nok Road. A visit to Bangkok is worthwhile if only for the food. It’s hard to express how consistently amazing street food is here; a few baht will buy you a repast that not only fills you up but blasts your tastebuds too. If you’re a fan of satay and coconut, prepare to swoon. Spend a week exploring these cheap gastronomic miracles, then have a blow-out on your last night at Nahm, in the Metropolitan Hotel (www.comohotels.com/metropolitanbangkok). Menu items like ‘sand whiting braised with turmeric, lemongrass and salt’ (€12) will have you salivating.
A worthwhile day trip from Bangkok is Kanchanaburi on the famous River Kwae, immortalised during World War II when thousands of allied prisoners of war died building the rail bridge and in internment camps during the Japanese occupation. There’s a war cemetery and the Thailand-Burma Railway Centre houses some historical artefacts from the time. It’s a disturbing and thought-provoking place.
To get a breath of fresh mountain air, take a day to visit Khao Yai National Park. The scenery is stunning and the park has everything from vineyards to river tubing. Stay until dusk and you’ll witness thousands of bats leaving their cave roosts. A night safari here might turn up deer, gibbons, Thai wild dogs (a type of dingo) and maybe even wild elephants.
Before you move on to the islands (because that, of course, is where you’re off to next), take a spa treatment. Avoid the semi-naked nymphs with arms like spaghetti; they are touting for a very particular clientele. Instead, find a reputable establishment and give in to a powerful pummelling from a Thai lady.
An excellent option is Ruen Nuad (42, Convent Road, Silom, +66 (0)2 632 2662). It’s fairly basic, but the massage is exemplary and costs around €8 for 60 minutes of knot and tension removing so intense you’ll have forgotten your own name by the end.
Week two
You could fly to the islands, but we all know that real travellers go by bus (generally for financial reasons, but this miserliness is easy to cloak with lofty ideals of meeting the locals and immersing oneself in the culture). So take a public bus to Chumphon and from there, a ferry to Ko Tao to begin phase two of your journey: sun, sand and sea.
Thailand has been on the backpacker trail for a good long time and some of the islands are therefore a little the worse for wear. Ko Tao has been a bit more gently used, although it’s home to over 100 resorts now. Nonetheless, you can still find green shoots of old Thai loveliness striving for the light here.
When you think of pictures of Thailand with strange, tree-topped rock formations sitting just off shore and local longboats, chances are you’re visualising Phuket. Trouble is, so is everyone else
The island is particularly popular with divers. Get under the waves to see whale sharks (mainly between March and May).
Pursuits on land include yoga and just chilling on the beach; looking at these views just doesn’t get dull. This island was a pirate hideout in a land never conquered by another country (in fact, in the local language, Thailand is Prathet Thai, which means land of the free); feel the power as you sit in the powdery white sand. From here, take the ferry onwards to Kho Phangan. Sea gypsies are thought to have colonised this island and quite what they’d have made of the monthly full moon parties is anyone’s guess. Up to 20,000 people can rock up to dance in the moon shadow at Haad Rin Beach, so you won’t be exactly getting away from it all. Still, it’s a heck of a party.
To recover, go by sea to one of the beaches only accessible by boat, string up a hammock and drink a lot of water.
Equilibrium restored, visit Ang Thong National Marine Park. The name means Golden Bowl and the series of islands in the park are lushly forested and mainly uninhabited.
The main island of Ko Wua Talap has basic bungalows and tents for hire. It’s worth staying here to really get to grips with the park and see the iconic views, as well as the limestone waterfalls of Buaboke Cave (some of the stalactites are hollow and ring like bells). Alternatively, book a live-aboard sailing ship and cruise through the archipelago.
Wildlife is a big draw here. You might see dusky langurs, otters, silver-haired bats, pythons and cobras. There’s also Ko Mae Ko (Mother Island), which has an emerald seawater lake ringed by high limestone cliffs. It’s a steep hike to get here, but it’s worth it. Ko Sam Sao has gorgeous reefs, so take your snorkel.
Week three
From Koh Samui, it’s possible to get the bus all the way to Phuket; it will roll right onto the ferry with you (€15, book online with www.lomprayah.com). After six hours of cross-country, you’ll be rumbling over the bridge to the island. Flights are obviously faster, but cost considerably more.
When you think of pictures of Thailand with strange, tree-topped rock formations sitting just off shore and local longboats with painted prows parked on deserted beaches, chances are you’re visualising Phuket.
The trouble is, so is everyone else, resulting in tour-bus queues and overcrowding, especially at sites like Phang Nga Bay. The key really is not to go on an organised tour.
Instead, try hiring your own boat in the early morning or late afternoon. It’s slightly more hassle and costs more, but you’ll be rewarded with empty beaches and a view of the perilously balanced James Bond Island (made famous in The Man with the Golden Gun) on your lonesome.
Like all tourist meccas in Thailand, Phuket has nightlife. Take a stroll down Soi Bangla in the throbbing Patong district for anthropological research purposes only, or jump in with both feet and buy a beer in a Go-Go bar; both options will provide some fascinating people watching. Or you could avoid it like the plague and find a starry, deserted beach to spend the night… some might call this a no-brainer.
Should you want to feel like a millionaire for the night, go up to the roof of Sri Panwa for a few cocktails at Baba Nest. Minimum spend is €22, but the design of the place is unbelievable. The wooden platform, loaded with cushions and low, round tables appears to float upon a rooftop lake with views of the surrounding islands (www.babaphuket.com).
While you’re in this neck of the woods, you may as well visit Koh Phi Phi, where the film of cult book The Beach by Alex Garland was made.
It featured Leonardo di Caprio and had rather disastrous consequences for the beach in question, Maya Bay, after film crews added a bit of ‘landscaping’ (aka bulldozing) for effect.
The 2004 tsunami took care of most of that though, so the setting is idyllic once more, albeit busy. The ferry takes an hour and costs around €18. It’s a great place for diving and snorkelling.
Now it’s time for phase three: mountains. Get away from the highly maddening crowds by heading to Khan Para Theo National Park, northeast of Phuket. It’s a refuge for Thailand’s threatened wildlife. Hiking trails lead through the jungle to thundering waterfalls and spectacular views.
Further to the west, Sirinat’s designation as a national park has protected beaches like Mai Khao as turtle-nesting sites. Three quarters of the park is a marine sanctuary with fabulous coral reefs for snorkellers. Both are within easy reach of the central Phuket.
Now leaving Phuket behind, keep going north and you’ll come to Khao Sok National Park. This evergreen forest, interspersed with sheer limestone mountain faces, provides brilliant jungle birdwatching. You could spot such feathered delights as yellow-vented flowerpeckers, purple-naped sunbirds, little spiderhunters and bamboo woodpeckers, to name but a few.
Week four
Go on to Ngao National Park. Most people come for the waterfall, which roars in the rainy season and trickles in the dry, but the unfortunately named Porn Rang hot springs are also a draw.
You’ll find a series of pools steaming away at different temperatures in the middle of a tropical garden. Some are natural and others are adorned with ladders and tin-roofed pagodas. Spend an hour or two wallowing here after a hard day’s hiking.
The park has incredible hiking well off the beaten track and the (slim) chance of seeing tiger and Asiatic black bear. Rafting and kayaking are possible on the river.
As time gets tight, press on to Khao Sam Roi National Park. This is out of the way of the usual tourist resorts, and for your trouble you’ll be rewarded with wild and empty beaches.
Pack your torch for caving at Sai Cave, which has amazing stalactites and stalagmites. Kaeo Cave opens through a hole in the ground and has a series of interconnecting chambers; you might want to take a guide. Meanwhile, Phraya Nakhon Cave, rather surreally, houses a royal pavilion.
The wetlands in the park are also a major migratory hotspot and you’ll spot thousands of birds, particularly in the autumn, as they head south to escape the oncoming chill of winter. If you are very lucky, you’ll also spot a serow, the bizarre looking blackish goat antelope that lives here.
That’s it. Time’s up. Back to Bangkok with you. Now you’re hooked though, you can spend the rest of the year saving up to come and visit the northern part of this seductive country.