What’s next after your fairy-tale wedding is over and you’ve driven off into the sunset? Jo Caruana discusses the evolution from dating to married with one young couple who recently tied the knot, and shares some tips on making the transition.
You’re wearing your dream dress while your new husband stands by your side in a smart suit. You’ve spent an incredible day with friends and family, immersed in love and showered with good wishes for your combined future. And you’ve driven off into the sunset (probably in a car smothered in shaving foam and raw eggs) to start your wonderful new life together.
Now what?
As it happens, the sequel to ‘happily ever after’ can be one of the most challenging transitions for you to make as a couple. You may well be living together for the first time, or facing new demands on your relationship such as shared finances and fresh responsibilities. Yes, your vows (such as “in sickness and in health” or “for richer, for poorer”) hinted that there may be the odd hiccup along the way, but how can you both set yourselves in strong enough stead to deal with them?
Jacki and Chris Zammit Cordina recently experienced this in some respect, and their marriage is now stronger as a result. Having met online (long before Facebook even became a thing), one thing led to another and they soon started dating in the real world.
“A couple of months into things we decided to break it off and go our separate ways for a while,” says Jacki, who works in hospitality. “But we got chatting again after some time while Chris, who is an officer in the armed forces, was away on work. Once he returned we got back together and that was that. Agreeing to get married then seemed natural and spontaneous for us, so we got engaged just a few months after kick-starting our relationship again.”
They then had the fairytale wedding – complete with military regalia, arched swords and all the tradition that goes with it. Mass was held at the Mġarr parish church, followed by a reception at Villa Arrigo with over 400 guests in attendance.
“It was the perfect start to our married life together, especially thanks to the amazing people who were all there to celebrate with us,” continues Jacki, who explains that both she and Chris continued to live with their parents right up until they tied the knot.
“We didn’t really think too much about what to expect before we got married; we simply saw it as a progression of our lives and a step that we wanted to take hand-in-hand.
“Of course there was definitely an adjustment period but we just got on with it. We’re both of the opinion that nothing comes easy at first so we worked hard at it. To use Chris’s mantra, we improvise, adapt and overcome! It was also then that I found out what a great cook my new husband was, so that was a bonus.”
Asked about what challenges they’ve faced since they walked down the aisle nearly three years ago, Jacki giggles: “I think one key moment probably came when I decided to cook a whole chicken. I followed Chris’s instructions, but no one told me about the packet of giblets hidden in the cavity of the bird! They got cooked too... I’ve since learnt that lesson!”
Now they’ve settled into a routine, adjusted to life together, and are busy enjoying their marriage. So what’s their advice to other couples facing a similar future?
“Take it easy and enjoy it,” Jacki affirms. “Tensions may be high, but just take a step back. It’s definitely well worth it in the end.”
Make The Transition:
Tips for your first year of marriage
It’s so easy to get caught up in the excitement of planning your wedding and future together, that you can lose sight of the actual challenges of a marriage. A marriage isn’t just a wedding, so try to see past that, even before you do tie the knot. Be prepared to put the hours into communication, and ensure you have realistic expectations of what you can, and want to, achieve.
There will be down days and you will have arguments, especially if you’re also living together for the first time. That is fine, and it doesn’t automatically mean that things aren’t working. Communication is vital and you need to find a channel that works for you – which could be in person face-to-face, or even in letters or emails. It is vital to share how you really feel, and not just when you’re angry.
Consider getting professional advice, such as from a counsellor, before you get married, and regularly en-route through your life. Although this may not be an easy decision for everyone to take, as it could seem alien, an outside, unbiased eye onto your life could be incredibly helpful and refreshing. It will help you to find your common goals and to work towards them together.