Felicity and Cedric Caruana cover the long and the short of it. Photo Matthew MirabelliFelicity and Cedric Caruana cover the long and the short of it. Photo Matthew Mirabelli

We all know a couple that go to prove that opposites do attract.

Perhaps he is a complete introvert, while she is the life and soul of the party. Or maybe he’s a tiny dot of a person, while she tips the scales quite a bit. Or maybe they’re just from completely different backgrounds, with different values, moral codes and ideas on how thing should be done. Either way, they are completely different, yet somehow it seems to work rather well.

And it appears there is some truth to it all. According to a 2013 study by Columbia University in the US, couples that are very similar can be too close for comfort, which means that those with very different interests can actually make things work for longer.

Mario and Janet Ellyas* are definitely testing the opposites-attract theory. While Mario is from Somalia and only came to Malta nine years ago, Janet was born and raised here.

If you’re open with each other then there is no real reason why it shouldn’t work, no matter how different you may be

“We faced quite a backlash when we first got together,” explains Janet, who has two teenage children from a previous relationship, “and we still sometimes do. I have to be honest and admit I was also quite sceptical when I met Mario. I knew that there would be cultural differences between us and wondered how our relationship would pan out. But there was a strong connection from day one and I chose not to ignore it simply because we were so different.”

And there have been quite a few differences to consider. While Mario is Muslim, Janet is apractising Catholic. And while polygamy is accepted in Somalia, Janet is traditionally against it.

“Thankfully, as time went on, it became clear that Mario is happy to go against the grain and always puts our relationship first. He is so understanding and so respectful of me and my children, which is one of the cornerstones of our relationship. I know he would never cheat on me. It’s something we have discussed at great length and I have made my position very clear.

“Unlike some men, he is also happy for me to be very independent. He is supportive of my career and understanding about my previous relationship, which still plays a logistical role in my life because of the children. On the flip side, I have compromised too. Because of his beliefs, Mario requests that I dress more conservatively than I did before, and I do. We have also had to understand our cultural differences – we are used to different food and entertainment, but we have both come round to each other’s ideas and have so much more in common now than we used to.”

That said, the couple agree it isn’t always easy. “We have had big arguments about our differences – and even had fights about our varying tastes when it came to decorating our home, for instance.

“Plus, people are so quick to remind us how different we are, and society hasn’t made it a bump-free ride. But we’ve got there and I think we’ve proved our relationship is worth it.

“There’s no doubt that every situation is unique and my advice to other couples would be to discuss your differences every step of the way and to iron out any concerns that they may create. If you’re open with each other, then there is no real reason why it shouldn’t work, no matter how different you may be.”

Of course there’s a big difference between couples who come from completely different backgrounds like Mario and Janet, and others who are physically different.

Felicity and Cedric Caruana, parents to 15-year-old Martine and two-year-old Jodie, fit into that latter category perfectly – with six-foot-plus Cedric towering over his much-shorter wife. Nevertheless, it works for them.

“When it comes to personality, I think opposites do attract,” explains Felicity. “I think we are naturally attracted to those who are different to us but have some of the same qualities; the difference creates excitement. After all, if a couple is too similar, then the relationship might get boring while opposites can complement one another really well.

“On the other hand, if a couple is completely at opposite ends of the scale then I don’t think that will work either.”

Felicity explains that she and her husband are physically quite different – she is short and fair, while Cedric is tall and dark.

“Wherever we go I am usually the shortest person in the room, while he is often the tallest. I used to wear heels to bridge the gap but, now that I am running around after a toddler, I stick to flat shoes as it’s so much easier.”

And there are other opposites in this couple too. “Felicity is quite shy, while I’m not,” says Cedric. “I also love the sea and anything to do with it, while my wife is pretty scared of it and has a phobia for sharks. Before we got married I had a boat that I loved going out on and driving fast through the waters. Felicity would come along on occasion but it soon became clear it was torture for her.”

Felicity giggles and agrees. “Once there was a helicopter hovering above us and I was convinced it was because they had spotted a shark nearby. I was absolutely hysterical while my very romantic husband was in fits of laughter throughout the whole ordeal. He still teases me about it to this day.”

On the flip side, Felicity is the one who’s comfortable in the kitchen while Cedric hates it. “I would happily spend hours in the kitchen while Cedric will always opt for something pre-cooked or bought from a restaurant. I’m also the typical Maltese fitta (fusspot) and always have a duster close by to keep things clean, while my hubby is very relaxed about everything. It has causes the odd tiff, especially recently when we had building works going on in the house and dust was everywhere, but we get over it pretty quickly.

“Having said that, I guess driving each other crazy on some occasions is part of the fun of being opposites, and it definitely seems to work out in the end.”

*names have been changed.

Can opposites attract?

If you’ve met someone who is your complete opposite, that’s all fine, but it is important to discuss some key topics to ensure you can make your relationship work.

Are there any fundamental character differences? Perhaps you believe couples should share responsibilities at home, while your partner thinks you should handle all the chores? Or do you think religion has an important role in your family, whereas he disagrees completely? While it’s fine to be opposites on certain things, these basic values are pretty important for the future of your relationship.

What is your energy level like? Do you both like to go out a few times a week, or does he prefer to relax on the sofa while you want to hit the party scene? This sort of difference could cause disagreements and resentments if not handled properly.

Money is an important factor in every relationship. Will you resent his spendthrift ways, or will he deny you the pair of designer shoes you crave? Conflicts over money can be some of the most serious of all, so do be honest about your spending habits as early into the relationship as possible, and work out whether you can compromise effectively.

One of the easiest opposites to overlook is when it comes to personal habits. We all have unique traits that define us – such as being a stickler for punctuality, a desire to have a few drinks every couples of days, or cleanliness in the home. If you and your partner clash on these matters then you will need to come to an understanding that suits you both.

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