It’s my birthday and I think I’m losing my mind.

Is there such a thing as a quarter-life crisis perhaps?

I’m not known to be an outwardly emotional person; I don’t do hugs much, I don’t cry at airports, and air kisses are the closest form of contact I’ll concede to acquaintances.

In addition, I’ve always been skeptic of random displays of affection, and historically unexplained smiles and helping gestures triggered a zillion suspicious questions in my mind.

I don’t do goodbyes, and I only know how to deal with sadness by joking and playing the fool.

My idea of a comforting gesture is a funny face and a light tap on the back, and if I can get away with comforting you without touching you, I probably will.

And yet lately, just looking at gift cards from previous birthdays is reminding me of the fleeting nature of life, and it’s getting me all choked up.

I know this is a crisis of some sort, but I just haven’t put my finger on it yet.

Just before my closest friends took over my birthday celebrations, I spent a month wavering from one end of the spectrum to the other - one minute I wanted to have a huge party with every single person I ever met in my life, and the next minute I just wanted to do nothing, forget about the day entirely, and have a romantic dinner with my laptop.

Am I being hormonal? Or is this how we become as we grow older? What if it never goes away? Will I have to learn to live with all these emotions scrambling for importance?

Till now I’ve only mastered the art of controlling one emotion – anger – I’m not sure I have enough time, or even the will, to master how to control the others.

What if the sight of sunflowers starts to make me cry? What if full moons start to choke me up? Will I have to switch from sarcastic blogging to writing sappy prose and poetry?

But hold on…. I might be feeling completely useless when faced with all these strange emotions, but I do have a theory as to what happened and where they’re coming from.

You see; up to recently I had spent all of my life in a rat race – working my behind off to make big and rich corporations even bigger and richer. Don’t get me wrong; I loved every minute of it, but recently, I made a big change – I moved out of the corporate world to work with Inspire – a non-Governmental organisation that’s totally focused on helping children and adults with disabilities.

Now, every day I see strangers smiling, hugging, caressing, helping, and just generally being generous and incredibly nice (for lack of a better word) to each other.

During my first week working there, I remember thinking that people are just too good, and I was constantly expecting some green-eyed monster to pop out of a closet… but he never did.

At first I thought it might be a geographical thing, and that people from the South of Malta just generally smile more, but as days rolled by, I realised that smiles have nothing to do with geography, and that people are happiest when they are helping.

Some of the children and adults that Inspire employees and volunteers assist, can’t talk, but there’s no need for words for their gratefulness to come across.

Some of our clients spend most of their days in wheelchairs, and just seeing their bodies relax when they are lowered into the hydrotherapy pool, is enough satisfaction to last a lifetime.

Some of our clients have never sat up straight on their own, and just seeing them balance on a horse’s back, is enough to make me cry a river of joyful tears.

So that’s my theory - everyday I see people facing unimaginable hardships and daily incredible obstacles, and yet they’re smiling, laughing, hugging. This is making me appreciate life like never before, and helping me become slightly more human.

It seems, however, that dealing with a tantrum of emotions is just part of the package.

Inspire, needs almost €3 million a year to keep offering the services that it does to over 1000 clients. Most of it comes from fundraising and donations, and since it’s my birthday, I’ll fundraise if I want to. Here’s how you can help (but beware, good gestures can trigger uncontrollable tears of happiness…so have your tissues at the ready).

SMS DONATIONS:

€2.33 - 50617359

€4.66 - 50618080

€6.99 - 50618962

€11.65 - 50619215

Alternatively you can become a friend of Inspire here.