Speaking in London at The Malta Individual Investor Programme, the Prime Minister said a number of things that gave me the idea that a translation was needed. I hope not to cause the Commissioner of Police any inconvenience, and trust he won't leap to the conclusion I've committed some sort of crime (lese majeste', perhaps?) and try to get his sticky fingers on my iPad next time I'm in "a restricted area".

Incidentally, shouldn't the PM have had the common decency to wait until what his own Minister Joe Mizzi describes (wrongly) as "the highest institution in the land" passed the law before scurrying off to tout our passports? I know, the law will pass for sure, but acting like a bully just because your gang is behind you isn't dignified or respectful of the House.

And might I remind Labour that whenever anyone makes the perfectly valid point that its own MPs (and its dear, dear buddy Debono) have no qualms about defending drug dealers and other common criminals, they squawk like stuck pigs? Can we then have less sanctimonious claptrap about the PN criticising the disgusting pawning of our citizenship because one of its MPs, in the private exercise of his profession, advises a competitor of their marketing/compliance Henley & Partners outfit?

Or is this a case of Labour measuring things by its own, hypocritical, yard-stick and assuming everyone has an ulterior and dishonourable motive?

But back to Joseph Muscat and his memorable sound-bites, which blow me if they don't have an Irish lilt to them.

Muscat said that “despite being such a small nation, our pride in our work, our willingness to support charities and volunteer our time in NGOs shows me that for us as nation, citizenship is not a transaction but a relationship."

Muscat must have meant that while as genuine citizens of our country, we act like citizens of any country, we're quite willing to enter into a transaction to flog our citizenship to anyone with a few hundred thousand dollars to spend.

Joseph Muscat went on with some puffery about how “this relationship is a collective one. It means being able to rely on each other in difficult times and being there to celebrate the good times together. It means making individual sacrifices for the greater good, and knowing that no matter what happens there is a safety net – Maltese society that will always help you get back on your feet.”

What Joseph Muscat should have said is that we don't expect anyone who has gone to the trouble of writing a big cheque out to have to trouble himself any more than that, because we're not going to know who you are so we can't have any expectations in your regard.

He also said that Malta’s ability to attract investment not only financially but in knowledge, expertise and networks would open a new approach that would complement existing programmes and go beyond. A more accurate summary of that thought would be that, as long as we get their dosh, they don't even need to come here, ever, so they needn't worry about actually sharing anything with us.

Joseph Muscat said that “the time that new Maltese citizens will share with their new-found home will allow us to build together a stronger and more prosperous nation. Our gift to each other will be the willingness to share our paths" neglecting to say that given that our paths need never, and probably will never, cross, this is Hallmark Cards blether, no more, no less.

To be fair, he was accurate on one thing, when he said that the programme was aimed squarely at importing more of what was truly precious to the Maltese, viz and to wit, hard, amoral, undiscriminating cash.

Joseph Muscat said that “we know that it will help us consolidate and build upon what we have and at the same time open new opportunities to us and future generations. My government recognises that more than any other resource, this is the one thing that we cannot have enough of, and we realise that all things being equal, this talent will be pivotal in the success of our nation” but what Joseph Muscat actually meant is lost in the meanders and weaves that his gurus have shoved in front of him.

The PM said that the Government "established and would execute the most rigorous due diligence of any programme worldwide. No stone would be left unturned in the scrutiny of any applicant prior to admission."

What the PM did not say was that Henley & Partners would market the transaction, perform the due diligence and then give the Minister a neat form, to sign, or not. This is the Minister who is responsible for the Police and the Catering Corps, so draw your own conclusions.

Joseph Muscat told us that “we are confident that this is the right thing to do for Malta. We will attract the right people to create more prosperity for Maltese society" but Joseph Muscat didn't tell us that we won't ever get to know who these "right people" are and how they've (not) created more prosperity over and above the cheque they'd have written.

He concluded, fearlessly splitting an infinitive, that “the process of application will be thorough and not everyone will manage to successfully apply, but for those that do, the enduring relationship of citizenship by investment will be their reward. This relationship as with any other form of citizenship will come with it the expectation that they continue to contribute to the common good of Maltese society, that they help with any challenge that we face in our future, and that they share in our successes as a nation.”

To which the rest of us, politely refraining from blowing a Titanic-sized raspberry, knowing that there is absolutely no way that any of the buyers of our passports will lift even a finger to contribute even a single red cent to the common good, or help with any challenge, bellowed, as one, "pull the other one, Joey, it's got bells on."