Children get only one childhood.Children get only one childhood.

“Death is a sniper,” writes Nora Ephron. “It strikes people you love, people you like, people you know, it’s everywhere. You could be next. But then you turn out not to be. But then again you could be.”

Ephron is one of my most favourite authors because she sees life the way you and I do. She doesn’t preach, she doesn’t judge, she doesn’t moralise about the ‘fibres of society’. Instead, she talks about tummy tyres, has her heart broken, worries about her wrinkles, frets about bills, and falls in love with higgledy-pigledy apartments.

Her book Heart Burn, a roman à clef if ever there was one, was a turning point for me. It’s a novel about her real-life marriage break-up, overlaid with a façade of fiction. She writes her story – uncannily similar to mine – with such humour and wit, that when I read it my very own heart burn made way for chuckles. Her mantra was that nothing in life is wasted: everything makes good copy… even her impending death.

Here is what she writes about dying, a few months before she succumbed to cancer: “The realisation that I may have only a few good years remaining has hit me with real force, and I have done a lot of thinking as a result.

“I would like to have come up with something profound, but I haven’t. I try to figure out what I really want to do every day, I try to say to myself, if this is one of the last days of my life, am I doing exactly what I want to be doing? My idea of a perfect day is a frozen custard and a walk in the park.”

I’ve been re-reading Ephron last week because I’ve been thinking a lot about death. Nirvana’s lost battle with cancer was a shock to us all – even to those of us who did not know her personally, and even though we knew she had been battling it for quite some time.

I keep thinking: she’s only 40; I keep thinking of her sons, her husband, her parents and her close friends; and I keep thinking how life can be so unfair.

A former colleague of hers, emotionally wrought, told me: “Let this be a lesson to us all: life is short.”

If this is one of the last days of my life, am I doing exactly what I want to be doing?- Nora Ephron

Ironically, sometimes it takes a death of a loved one to change our perspective of life. I was once talking to a friend of mine, about how the death of our respective fathers completely turned us into different people.

“It was the worst thing that happened to me, but if you know what I mean, it was the best thing that happened to me – because from that day on I became true to myself,” he said.

Dealing with death is complex and anguishing but can be soulful if it helps us appreciate the little good things around us.

These past five years my friends and I been compiling a list of tips for life, which we try to follow. I thought this is a good moment as any to share them:

• There’s more to life than work.

• Better to cry with someone than on your own; probably you’ll end up laughing.

• You can order more than one dessert.

• Don’t compare your life to others; you have no idea what’s behind their smile.

• When you’re walking in the countryside, wear a real flower in your hair.

• Children get only one childhood.

• To open a jar lid, slide a knife under it.

• Say sorry. And thank you.

• If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

• Fight bad news with a large glass of water and lots of sleep.

• Don’t waste time with terrible kissers.

• Make peace with the past so it won’t mess up your present.

• Don’t take yourself so seriously; it’s tiring.

• When dumped, remember, there are a thousand others better than him/her.

• Beware men with dimples.

• Graphs never lie.

• The gut is always right.

• Treasure your girl friends.

• When in doubt, don’t do anything.

• A handshake can tell you all you need to know about someone.

• Eat good food; have long lunches in good company.

• If something bugs you, say it as it is, immediately.

• If someone wants to stay in your life, they’ll find a way to do so.

• Make sure your best friends are people who make you laugh.

• Take time to talk to people who’ll tell you things you don’t know.

• Sometimes snuggle up to your mother for comfort.

• Go on adventures.

krischetcuti@gmail.com

Twitter: @KrisChetcuti

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