Dear President von Rumpy,

Welcome and the rest of the stuff we should tell all our nice EU heads. I think you know I love my own British humour. I laugh a lot and all the ones around me—they are called ministers and minions—laugh too. I hope they told you I won the election with many votes.

To business now. We are not the rump of Europe. We are the first, the only, the foremost. We are now also the most fierce, the most ready to stand on our own feet and shout and scream against anything EUish. We are not scared. We are Maltese and Malta is first and before all else.

So here’s the deal. Coffee smells, those people who are not Christian and are never seen hugging the Pope smell. So we return them to their country of origin or wherever they come from.

Nice seeing you here. Next I’m going to find my way to Helsinki. Hell of a place I know—my humour gets better by the minute hahaha—but got to go there as I am feeling good and want to do some reminiscing about vetoes and votes. I’m feeling so very macho.

All ministers—and I can now see even the PN members—are laughing hard at my jokes and saying we now no longer laughing stock of Europe.

Cheers

The true Muskateer

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