My travails: Damien Pantalerija Borg

Name: Damien Pantalerija Borg
Age: 30ish
Occupation: actor, musician, model, dancer, plumber.

My best-ever trip...

I travel because... It’s the best way to get from A to B

There are many, but one I can recall and laugh about now, was a little special at the time. This was my trip down the Amazon in a pedaloe.

It started off in the boating lake of Hotel Opulenta, up river in the middle of the Amazon Rainforest, Brazil. And, truth be told, it should have stayed in the boating lake of Hotel Opulenta until... a freak wave washed me and my pedaloe into and down the Amazon for... ooh, I reckon about 233 kilometres... or thereabouts.

It was only when the man in charge of the boats shouted: “Come in number 12, your time’s up” – that anybody realised I was missing. But it all ended happily when I was rescued by a tribe of head-hunters down river... which may explain how I got my nickname of ‘pinhead’.

I felt most welcome in...

The Democratic Republic of Congo, where I was hosted by a friendly tribe. Mind you, the fact that I brought them gifts of coloured beads may have had something to do with my euphoric reception. The beads proved an instant hit and the chief pronounced them: “Delicious.” Very gratifying.

The best hotel I have ever stayed in...

At least I thought it was a hotel at the time, until security evicted me from the crown prince of Saudi Arabia’s bedroom in the royal palace at Jeddah – and deported me. I wondered why the mini-bar contained only soft drinks.

I couldn’t wait to leave...

Switzerland. I was naturally elated when my mother-in-law sent me on a free holiday to Geneva. It was only when I saw she had booked me into the Dignitas hotel that I became suspicious – and left.

I partied hardest in...

Jeddah, Saudi Arabia... which is possibly why I was deported.

I cringe when I think of...

The full monty striptease Idrunkenly performed on that same Saudi vacation.

I never travel without...

A passport... it’s easier that way.

Why I always travel light...

That way I can pretend I’ve been robbed of my luggage and then claim a whole new wardrobe... plus toothbrush... from my travel insurer.

Note: You can only pull this stunt once with the same insurance company, which is why I keep changing insurers.

I adored the food in...

Anywhere where they’ve got a Macdonald’s and a KFC.

Adventure or cruise?

Actually, I once managed to combine the two when I was aboard a cruise ship in the Indian Ocean that got hijacked by Somali pirates. But that’s another story.

I can never return to...

Erm... well, Gozo actually. Ever since the unfortunate occurrence at the bachelor party for my friend Jason Guitierez Spagnol at that farmhouse in Nadur. Well it was a very old farmhouse and the fire only burnt down that and the two neighbouring properties... and since these were unoccupied at the time, not too much damage was done.

I treasure the memory of...

Sipping pina coladas on the balcony of our hotel in Saudi... which is probably another reason they saw fit to deport me.

I enjoy returning to...

Anywhere from where I haven’t already been deported.

The strangest place I have ever visited...

It has to be Thailand. There are no women there. They may look like females, but believe me they are not. At least that goes for the ones I picked up.

Lazing by the hotel pool or water-sports...

Definitely lazing by the pool, the other thing is so unhygienic... and probably illegal.

I travel because...

It’s the best way to get from A to B.

My next trip will be to...

It will definitely be an adventure holiday. Originally, it was going to be a week aboard the Soyuz Space lab, including a 30-minute space walk. But when that proved too expensive, we tried for a month-long trek through the Himalayas, climaxing in a bungee jump from the summit of Everest. But when that fell through, we settled for a weekend’s white water rafting in Chadwick Lakes... in August!