Seminar on building a secure attachment with our children

Maia Psychology Centre is holding a seminar for parents, foster carers, adoptive parents and carers on April 6 entitled Building a Secure Attachment with Our Children.

It is a myth that babies can get too much attention

The seminar will help participants assess the quality of the relationship with their children and explore ways to develop a secure relationship with them. It is also an opportunity to discuss how to adopt collaborative relationships with other carers, such as grandparents and childcare workers.

Attachment is the ability of a parent or caregiver to create a bond with his or her child. Speaker Elaine Grech, a family therapist and Gestalt psychotherapist with special interest in attachment theory, explains that “a secure attachment is a form of relationship to which the child feels safe enough to be able to turn in times of stress and joy”.

This bond between the infant and its caregivers impacts the way the child learns how to see herself, others and relationships. This learnt script in the pattern of relating is likely to govern later relationships with significant others, including siblings, peers, future romantic partners and their own children, Ms Grech says.

A secure bond provides a child with an optimal foundation for life: eagerness to learn, healthy self-awareness, trust and consideration for others. It also causes the parts of the child’s brain responsible for interaction, communication and relationships to grow and develop.

Ms Grech maintains that the ability to have a healthy sense of self and to connect with other people in a healthy way has its roots in the relationship the child developed with his or her caregiver. By contrast, an insecure attachment relationship is one that fails to meet an infant’s need for safety and understanding, leading to confusion about one’s self and difficulties in relating to others in later life.

When a child develops a secure attachment with their caregiver, he or she can explore the outside world knowing that the parent is ready and available to comfort and reassure if the child requires it, she says.

An important skill in developing a secure attachment is attunement, that is, the ability to create a deep and genuine connection with one’s infant and therefore be aware of the potential needs of the baby. Attunement helps the child learn about the world, whether the world is safe and whether it is responsive. Contrary to what people might believe, it is a myth to be believe that babies can get too much attention, Ms Grech says.

To be attuned to an infant, a caregiver needs to be emotionally regulated and therefore aware of his or her own strengths and weaknesses. If a caregiver is not sufficiently attuned to the infant and repeatedly fails to understand what the child needs, the child may withdraw from trying to connect with the caregiver.

Ms Grech believes that many children in today’s society spend quite a considerable amount of time with other caregivers such as grandparents and child carers. This may create conflict between different types of parenting styles, and many parents wonder how they can ensure that the environment they are leaving their children in will provide enough emotional safety. It is important in these settings for there to be dialogue between parents and other caregivers and to exchange information and give feedback.

The seminar will be held from 9am to 12.30pm at the Lasallian centre, Stella Maris College, Gżira.

For more information e-mail info@maiapsychologycentre.com.